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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

She looks across at the younger woman – what does it matter if she’s madeup to the nines? It’s her fine brain that matters. And she feels panic, panic because she has never spoken publicly, because she cannot trust her brain, because Erica has spent months applying herself to the words all around them tonight. The faces turned towards her are full of surprise, expectation, waiting. It would make a great photograph. But she cannot talk. She never could. If she had been able to, she might have saved her name, long ago.

Erica leans forward, and says quietly, ‘Tell us what you remember.’

Yes. She can do that.

‘This is what I remember,’ she begins. Her voice feels thin in her throat and she has a sense of the room leaning in to her. That won’t do. She straightens, tightens her hold, begins again.

‘This is what I remember. I remember that, in 1968, I was a young woman from Essex who knew what a camera could do, but not a lot else. I had a feeling, though, that I was worth more than the world was telling me I was worth. I could—’ Her mouth has too much saliva, from the drugs, and a tang of metal. ‘I could taste it. So I went to see what some women at Dagenham were doing to change the world. And, thanks to Leonie Barratt, I joined in.

‘This is what I remember about the women’s movement. It was a fierce, furious beast, and it was sure that it would win. It didn’t compromise and it didn’t care. It invited the world to smell its hairy armpits and to mock its dungarees and it didn’t matter because women knew we were right.’

‘Hell yeah!’ shouts one of the sisters, Kiki maybe, or Fen, from the back, and although Vee appreciates it, she can’t acknowledge it, can’t do anything but keep her eyes on the top of the podium. There’s the soft steadiness of Erica’s presence to her left. She doesn’t look at her; feeling her there is enough.