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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

There’s a sign at the gate of the Peace Garden, saying that it is on the site of the first of the women’s protest camps. So this must have been where Vee took the first photographs. And the gates to the air base, the fences that women chained themselves to, were here. But you wouldn’t know it, now. The boundaries and the buildings have been replaced by a Land Rover garage and an auction house. There are signposts to other businesses, selling cars and kitchens. It’s as soulless as any other business park. It’s hard to believe that so much emotion had its home here, for so long: such struggle, such fear and hope and determination. Now it’s a blank.

It seems impossible, too, that it is so long since she came here for the first time. Thirty-seven years. But of course, that’s what all old people think. Is it wrong of Vee to envy Leonie her death, just for a second? To die so suddenly and so young seems like a gift. She has achieved almost nothing in the years since Leonie died. She may as well have gone then, too. (Is that the sort of thought that only a diseased brain would have?)

Towards the bottom of the sign are the words: ‘. . . We hope the time you spend here will refresh your spirit.’ Vee hopes so too. It feels like a lot to ask.

Erica is trailing behind with the pushchair, fussing over Tom with chatter and toys. Vee pushes the gate open, walks down a small scrubby path, and finds herself in a circle of half a dozen standing stones and a central sculpture which is made up of women-forms, flexing and curving like flames. Further on is a fountain, although it’s not working: it’s a stone spiral, and the words ‘You can’t kill the spirit’ are carved into it. And then there’s the memorial to Helen Wyn Thomas, who was killed on the site when she was run over a military vehicle during a protest. That was 1989. Vee remembers reading about it. She was away at the time, in Canada, still trying to fall in love with landscape photography. She had felt a long way away: she missed her sisters, her country, Leonie. She’d looked at the photographs in the days-old newspaper that had found its way to her Quebec hotel, and thought about how much better they could be, if the photographer had thought more about the framing of the shot. There had been too much sky, not enough detail of the shocked, grieving faces. The camera should not be shy of showing the detail of hard things.

The memorial is part of a flowerbed, which even on this drab March day has enough plants, in enough shades of green, to make the place feel alive and at least partly protected from the world without.