Back The Woman in the Photograph
Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

Erica could also date the photographs, she realises, from Leonie’s size. She’s solid in the 1960s, and then in the early 1970s she’s starting to be – well, it would be called obese now. And still she grows: more chins, more girth, her fingers plump and then fat, the joints disappearing. She looks like Andrea Dworkin, though she came later, Erica is sure, becoming famous after Leonie died. Or is it wrong to equate the two so easily? Not all overweight women look the same, just as all thin women are different. If only it were simple. It should be, by now. That’s clearly what Veronica thinks. She’s right. But saying it should be sorted doesn’t make it so.

There are other things to notice in the photographs: Leonie’s transition from dungarees to men’s shirts and loose trousers; the way Vee rarely took photographs when the subject was looking directly into the lens, preferring to watch them as they watched something else, or were absorbed in action. Erica could write another PhD on Veronica’s photographic decisions. Maybe a book.

‘I think that’s a bit better,’ Vee says, behind her.

Erica wipes her eyes, just to make sure there are no traces of tears, before she turns around.

Vee has dressed – jeans, a white shirt beneath a navy sweater, not very new but made of something (cashmere?) that isn’t meant to ever wear out. She’s wearing socks; her boots are next to a bag at the door, so she must have been planning to come. Despite all this, it seems as though she has not yet put her skin back on. She’s like Tom is in the mornings, when he wants to cuddle, before he sets off to conquer his toddler world. Or Marcus, after sex, when he pulls her in, kisses the top of her head, says something like, it’s not so bad, is it, darling? We’re lucky to have each other, aren’t we? It’s the only time he sounds uncertain; the only time, if she’s honest, that she really actively feels she loves him still. Oh, she knows she does. But feeling it is different.

‘Can I get you anything? Make you some tea?’

Vee closes her eyes, longer than a blink. ‘Water, please,’ she says, then, ‘Damn. I forgot to bring my tablets down. They’re in the bathroom cabinet. Top shelf, white box. Would you mind?’

The cabinet is as neat and tidy as the fridge. There are three boxes of medication on the top shelf, all different. Erica isn’t an expert, but she knows a serious health problem when she sees it. One of the packs is steroids, the other two both prescription painkillers, or at least she thinks they are. A shocked, roiling nausea rises in Erica: she had assumed that Vee was difficult, because – well, because she was that kind of woman.