Back The Woman in the Photograph
Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

Erica lays the photographs of her aunt side by side, imagines them in the same section of the exhibition as the moment of death photograph. They will make the exhibition visitor feel the loss of Leonie all the more. To see her so very alive, next to the image of her so newly dead. Erica feels sadness rising in her, bloating her heart and making her vision soften and shake; she wipes her tears, quickly, so they cannot fall on the photographs. Though Erica doesn’t recall much about Leonie or her death, she lived with her mother’s grief for all of her remembered life. Grief wakes in Erica now, a slow low keening in her guts, as she lets herself think of all she will not have again. No mother. No answers to the question of Leonie’s death. She was a fool to think that Vee could be persuaded to talk to her about Leonie. She is more of a fool to keep hoping for it.

Erica walks away from the table, stands at the window and looks at the beginning of spring in the budding of the trees. She breathes deep. She would cancel the exhibition tomorrow, throw all of her work away, just to know what happened that day. Her own scant memories don’t feel right. Veronica could help. but she won’t. She won’t.

And Erica could cry her heart out now, but she won’t. She goes back to the table, looks at her aunt with her academic’s eye. Leonie could be cold and clear. So can she.

It would be possible to date the photographs, roughly, without looking at the back, or at least put them into chronological order: flares narrow and hair shortens as the 1970s wear on, slogans become more consistent and placards more sophisticated. Vee, too, changes where she focuses. She moves from taking groups, vistas, gatherings, to focusing on faces and exchanges. Often, in these photographs, Leonie is arguing with someone. Sometimes it seems good-humoured but very often it clearly isn’t, with Leonie’s bulk pushing forward, her face thrusting close, her hand in a fist by her side or raised and flattened in the air, telling the other person to stop. Stop talking, her body language says, stop resisting, stop disagreeing.