“No. What do you mean?” It sounded bad.

“I mean don’t leave a guy hanging,” he said in a tight voice. Then he chuckled, tapped me on the nose with his finger, and reached back with his other hand.

“What’s that?” I squinted at the packet he was now tearing open.

He passed the rubber back and forth in front of my face like a hypnotist’s pendant. “It’s what boys use to make love to girls to keep them from having babies, dummy.”

“Oh.” I wanted to explain that I wasn’t dumb, I’d just never seen a condom in person. But Al had already lowered his pants and unrolled the rubber over his penis. I’d also never seen an erection in person. His was swollen with a vein on one side. It was ugly. But wasn’t that wrong? Weren’t women supposed to think penises were wonderful?

“Don’t you want me to feel good?”

“Yes, but—”

“You see how hard you made me?”

“I—”

“Or could a rich girl like you never have a boyfriend like me?”

That pierced through my stupor. A knife to my Achilles heel.

“Huh? Am I not good enough for you?” Al turned away with a hurt and angry expression.

“Oh, Al…Alphonse, you’re good enough,” I searched for words to reassure him. “Way more than good enough, you’re great, it’s just–”

“I’ll be so gentle.” He swiveled back and took my shoulders. “Please? I need you, my Princess. Let me make love to you.”

I was woozy and confused. Heavy with the responsibility of Al’s wellbeing. I knew that there was something else I should say or do but I was too wasted to figure it out. Behind him, the giant teddy gazed down at me.

“Jackie?” He whispered in my ear, “Pretty please? It’ll be good, honey, you’ll see.” Al said. When I didn’t reply, he climbed on top of me still wearing his shirt.

Al pulled down my underwear and slowly guided himself inside me. I shut my eyes. I thought about Nicole. We’d always assumed she’d lose her virginity first. What would she say when I told her about Al? Would she be jealous? Would she approve?

“Owww, I—” I was jarred back to the moment by the chafing friction of Al’s thrusting.

Steffi had said sex wasn’t great the first time, but I hadn’t understood it would be painful. I gritted my teeth. Then suddenly Al pushed hard, and I felt a sharp tear.

“It really hurts!” I gasped. “Al, please. Stop, or just please—”

“Shhh,” he said over and over while he thrust himself in and out, my head bumping against the bear.