Al rubbed his fingers into my back and my tension receded like the tides. I reached for him and we kissed.

It felt natural when Al pulled my shirt over my head. But when he unhooked and removed my bra, I crossed my arms instinctively. Al laughed and crossed his arms too which made me laugh. I allowed them to drift back to my sides.

I laid still, trying to relax and enjoy the sensations of Al playing with my breasts, but I was still seeing double and my body had gone on alert.

“What time is it?” I asked, my voice sounded funny in my ears.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Al rolled on top of me and pulled up my skirt.

I bit my lip, embarrassed because the place between my legs had become wet and sticky and I didn’t know if that was normal. I wanted to slow things down, go back to the beach, maybe swim in the ocean. I wanted to swim.

“Hey,” I raised on my elbows. “Let’s go for a swim.”

“Shhh.” His fingers tugged at the elastic on my underwear, and then one of his fingers went inside of me. He moved it in and out, his purple ring rubbing uncomfortably against the side of my vagina. Then he took my hand and placed it inside his pants until I was touching his penis. It felt bigger than I’d imagined, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it. I tried to hold on as Al thrust up and down, but my head was spinning. I let go and squeezed my eyes shut to make everything stay still.

Al rolled to one side. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern in his voice.

“Just…dizzy.”

“You drink too fast. You have to learn to slow down.”

I nodded woozily. “Mmm-hmm.” I struggled to sit up. I took some deep breaths and held on to Al’s shoulder to ground myself.

“You are so beautiful,” he said softly.

No one had ever told me I was beautiful. Not even my father. The thought made me weepy, and I buried my face in my hands.

“Oh Jackie, what’s wrong, Princess?” Al kissed me on my cheeks and forehead and began stroking my hair. I leaned against him and let myself be soothed.

“S’okay,” I murmured.

“Better?” he whispered.

I nodded and opened my eyes. Al came into focus. His grin, his dimples. That lock of hair over one eye.

I thought of the list Nicole and I had made.

“Hah.” I said, “You are cute and a good kisser.”

Al propped up on one elbow and tilted my chin in his hand. “Jackie, I need to make love to you.”

I stared back blankly, trying to process through the fog in my head.

“Make love?” I managed.

“Don’t you like me, Jackie?”

“Yes, I—”

“You don’t want to be a cocktease do you?”