Back The First to Die at the End
Chapters (128)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. PART ONE
  5. Orion Pagan
  6. Valentino Prince
  7. Orion
  8. Valentino
  9. Orion
  10. Valentino
  11. Orion
  12. Valentino
  13. Orion
  14. PART TWO
  15. Joaquin Rosa
  16. Orion
  17. Valentino
  18. Orion
  19. Joaquin Rosa
  20. Valentino
  21. Joaquin Rosa
  22. Valentino
  23. Orion
  24. Joaquin Rosa
  25. Rolando Rubio
  26. Andrea Donahue
  27. Valentino
  28. Orion
  29. Valentino
  30. Orion
  31. Valentino
  32. Orion
  33. Valentino
  34. Orion
  35. Valentino
  36. Joaquin Rosa
  37. PART THREE
  38. William Wilde
  39. Joaquin Rosa
  40. Valentino
  41. Orion
  42. Frankie Dario
  43. Valentino
  44. Frankie Dario
  45. Orion
  46. Valentino
  47. Scarlett Prince
  48. Captain Harry E. Pearson
  49. Scarlett Prince
  50. Orion
  51. Scarlett Prince
  52. Naya Rosa
  53. Joaquin Rosa
  54. Naya Rosa
  55. Frankie Dario
  56. Gloria Dario
  57. Naya Rosa
  58. Rolando Rubio
  59. Dalma Young
  60. Valentino
  61. Rolando Rubio
  62. Frankie Dario
  63. Valentino
  64. Scarlett Prince
  65. Valentino
  66. Orion
  67. Valentino
  68. Naya Rosa
  69. Valentino
  70. Férnan Emeterio
  71. Orion
  72. Rolando Rubio
  73. Valentino
  74. Captain Harry E. Pearson
  75. Orion
  76. Clint Suarez
  77. Gloria Dario
  78. Orion
  79. Scarlett Prince
  80. Valentino
  81. Gloria Dario
  82. Orion
  83. Valentino
  84. Joaquin Rosa
  85. Orion
  86. Joaquin Rosa
  87. Valentino
  88. Scarlett Prince
  89. Orion
  90. Valentino
  91. Gloria Dario
  92. Rufus Emeterio
  93. Mateo Torrez Jr.
  94. Orion
  95. Valentino
  96. Orion
  97. Valentino
  98. PART FOUR
  99. Orion
  100. Frankie Dario
  101. Valentino
  102. Orion
  103. Gloria Dario
  104. Valentino
  105. Frankie Dario
  106. Valentino
  107. Paz Dario
  108. Frankie Dario
  109. Dalma Young
  110. Orion
  111. Dalma Young
  112. Gloria Dario
  113. Orion
  114. PART FIVE
  115. Orion
  116. Dalma Young
  117. Scarlett Prince
  118. Gloria Dario
  119. Orion
  120. Dalma Young
  121. Orion
  122. Joaquin Rosa
  123. Orion
  124. Acknowledgments
  125. About the Author
  126. Books by Adam Silvera
  127. Back Ad
  128. About the Publisher

“Belief is less about what you say and more about what you feel. Since the day you were born, I felt such powerful love and protection for you. I hope to protect you now by promising that there is no one else like you. I’m lucky to not only know you but to call you my son. You don’t have to be anyone but Mateo Torrez Jr.”

Mateo stares up at the sky, remembering all the times his father brought him to this park and taught him about the clouds while on the swings; doing that instead sounds really nice right now. But a question is clawing its way up his throat and wrenches his mouth open and flies out: “Should I really be myself if no one likes me?” And before Teo can say the obvious, he adds, “Please don’t say that you like me. I know that already.”

“As long as you know it,” Teo says. “What about Lidia?”

“She won’t like me forever. She thinks I’m annoying.”

“When did she say that?”

“Well, she never said annoying, but she said I’m an overthinker. Like I’m too much.”

“You’re very thoughtful, Mateo. You can be too careful sometimes, but we know that.”

Over the years, whenever Mateo has gotten hurt, he’s done everything humanly possible to make sure it never happens again. There was the time he was running during a recess race and tripped and scraped his knee and he refused to play for the rest of the school year. Even when he was working up the courage to run again and have fun, no one wanted to pick him because they didn’t think he was a good sport. He is. Why is it a bad thing to not want to get hurt?

“It’s like . . .” Mateo stares at the ground, not wanting to see the other kids playing together. “It’s like by keeping myself safe, no one wants to be in my life. I’m not trying to push people away, Dad.”

“I know you’re not, buddy. Maybe you can try something different. Go pull someone in.”

“How?”

“Go talk to someone. Most important, be yourself while doing it.”

Mateo doesn’t know about this. But then again, how dangerous could other kids be? It’s not like when he got scared of those two older boys in Times Square. Mateo thought they were up to no good at first, like a prank or something worse, but it turns out they were up to good. They just wanted a picture taken together, and when Mateo saw them kissing, he felt something unlock within. It reminded him of the conversation he had with his father last month.

“How do you find love, Dad?” Mateo had asked. “Where is it?”