“You’re probably wondering why this is news to you since I’ve known since midnight. It’s because I was willing to die without telling you because I don’t believe you care about my life. I am your only son. Your firstborn. The reason you became parents, and you never even tried to love me once I told you I’m gay.”

They both wince, like I’ve said a bad word. Like I’m bad.

“There will come a time when you have to reckon with how you made me so unwelcomed that I moved away. But I want to thank you for being so unloving because it pushed me out of your house and into the arms of a boy with the biggest heart. He’s made sure my last day on this planet is filled with the love and kindness I deserve, and I’m going to spend what’s left of my life with him even if that means I’m going to hell when it’s all done.”

Orion

5:05 p.m.

My boyfriend—yeah, boyfriend. And what!—is in my house.

This is still blowing my mind.

I wouldn’t have ever put down money on meeting someone who goes from “boy” to “boyfriend” in under a day. I should bet on myself some more. Last night, I swore Valentino was so out of my league, and I’m not knocking him now when I say that he isn’t. I’m just showing myself some love because I showed up for a stranger who needed some himself without expecting anything in return; I wasn’t even in it for the heart. We’re in the same league—except when it comes to train performances obviously—and I’m just as great and dope as he is, and we would’ve done even more great and dope things if we had the time to be great and dope together but the sun is going down and that means it’s almost lights out.

I’m getting stressed, feeling like I should Decker-proof the house for Valentino and everyone else: get all the cords off the floor, maybe even unplug everything that’s unnecessary; quadruple-check that the smoke alarms have working batteries; clear the hallway for emergency exits; place cushions at the bottom of each stairway in case anyone falls; and barricade the windows to protect us against intruders. All I would be doing is delaying the inevitable when instead I can be living with Valentino while I can. I took the time to finish cleaning my bedroom and setting it up for something great, something that I think might be the relaxer he needs after what’s got to be a tough conversation with his family.

I’ve thanked my people a thousand times for showing up for Valentino like that and hitting him with the love that his own parents wouldn’t give him.