“Basically, it’s a tracker that shows a Decker’s journey on their End Day. Friends and family can retrace your footsteps and feel closer to you if they couldn’t be with you.”

Orion aims the camera and takes my picture.

“What was that for?”

“I wanted to document your first dumb idea.”

My jaw drops. “You’re a jerk.”

“A jerk? Come on, call me an asshole or a dickhead or a bitch. You’re not in third grade.”

“I don’t really swear. Catholic upbringing.”

Orion freezes at the corner. “This is perfect. You’re not about that life anymore, right? What’s going to be your first curse word or swear word, whatever the fuck you want to call it? Howl that shit at the sky and wake up all these motherfuckers trying to sleep in.”

I do some counting. “Three swear words in ten seconds. Well done.”

“That’s fucking nothing, but thanks. What you got?”

As someone so open today, I grew up so caged. There were so many things I was never allowed to say. I couldn’t swear. I couldn’t question God. I couldn’t talk about my crushes. Then I came out of the closet, and my parents wanted me to go right back in. But Orion isn’t asking me to filter my thoughts or feelings. He’s asking me to release everything.

Standing on a street corner in New York City, I feel the word bubbling up, and I throw open my arms and shout, “I’M FUCKING FREE!”

Orion takes my picture. “Great fucking choice!”

Before I can thank him, a window slams open above us and a man pokes his head out. “Shut the fuck up!”

I’m so embarrassed that I’m frozen.

Orion snaps another picture before dragging me away, laughing. “Your first time getting told to shut the fuck up in the city. You’ve been christened as a real New Yorker.”

I might find that photograph funnier after my heart has calmed down a bit.

Orion holds on to my wrist as we go down the street and only lets go when we find ourselves somewhere that looks abandoned. There’s something suspicious about how peaceful this is. Just empty cars underneath these overhead train tracks. Orion starts going up the stairs slowly, and he picks up the speed a little bit. I try getting him to slow down, but he ignores me. He seems to be enjoying this moment where a simple activity doesn’t feel life-threatening. Just because he won’t die from a heart attack doesn’t mean he won’t slip on these stairs and fall back into me. I hold on to the railing for dear life, and Orion is waiting at the top with the biggest smile.

Once I’m up there, I can’t believe my eyes.