‘Oh, um, uh, I don’t mind,’ I babbled, partly because I didn’t mind as long as I got to spend the evening with Fred and also because I had no idea what kind of things might be an option. What did people my age do when they went out? Dad had never told me, other than that it was all too dangerous for me to take part in. The books I’d read and films I’d seen didn’t give me any true idea – they were so old. I didn’t think people went to balls in country houses in long dresses anymore, and Fred had a van rather than a car with a roof that came down that we could drive about in with me wearing cat-eye sunglasses and a headscarf like in some films I’d seen. A thrill of excitement and nerves ran through me. We could go anywhere. Anything could happen.

Was this a bad idea?

No. I was with Fred. He would look after me. He liked me; he had said so. I would be safe with him. I was sure of it.

‘Have you eaten?’ he asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.

‘Yeah.’

‘OK … so we could go for a drink, cinema if you fancy it, or something wacky and wholesome like ice-skating or bowling. Or, I got paid yesterday, we could get a cheap hotel room and, y’know …’ He reached over and slid his hand between my legs – pressing hard.

‘Um … bowling sounds good?’ I interrupted, somewhat hesitantly because I wasn’t entirely sure what bowling was. I pictured something like throwing little balls at each other like I’d seen in the French films Dad made us watch sometimes in a futile attempt to try to improve my language skills. It seemed a bit dark to be doing something like that now, but then again, what did I know?

‘Bowling it is then,’ he said, taking his hand away from me and putting it back on the steering wheel. He sounded terse, like I’d made the wrong choice. He had obviously wanted me to opt for the hotel room, and while I loved how it felt when I did that stuff with him, as I never went anywhere, I wanted to experience something different.

But I knew how to sort it out. ‘Tell you what though, how about first …’ I said, reaching over and unzipping his fly as I knew that doing that to him would put him in a better mood.

39

June 2013

Scottish Highlands