But I don’t know if he is listening. His eyes close and he falls back to sleep. His breathing is shallow. I’m not surprised. I gave him a lot of pills; I may not even have needed to take this final step, but I wanted to be sure.

I press the pillow into his face. There is a small movement of his hips and his head as he tries to buck me off and his wrists strain briefly against the ties. I stare out of the large window, pressing hard, as I wait for his breathing to stop. The moon is full and the stars are beautiful tonight. Dad and I often used to look at constellations together. I miss him so much.

A few minutes later, when I’m sure Rick is totally still, I take the pillow away from his face. His eyes are now open and ghoulish, and I hope that means that he properly woke up, that he had at least some idea of what was going on, even if he didn’t have the strength to fight back.

I cut the cable ties with a penknife I brought with me exactly for this purpose, shove them in my pocket, duck out of the room and go to give Jesse the shock of his life.

58

Antonio

17 January 2022, 03:00

The Caribbean

I’ve only just discovered that Lola’s still alive, but that’s far from the only surprise she has in store. I can’t quite believe what she’s telling me.

‘You killed him?’ I repeat. ‘You killed Rick? Just now – when the alarm went off?’ I stare at her, so tiny in her baggy clothes, almost childlike. Looking like she couldn’t hurt a fly.

‘But why? How? What did he ever do to you?’ I insist. My incredulity is suddenly replaced with rage. ‘Did he hurt you? What happened? I don’t understand. Oh God, Lola, I can’t believe you killed him! You’ll never get away with it! You’ll go to prison and then … oh God.’

She has come back to me, but I can already see she’s going to be taken away. Again. I can’t bear it.

Her face darkens. ‘You’re not going to tell anyone what I did, Jesse, are you? Or that I’m here, on the ship? That I’m alive? You’re the only person I trust. The only person in the world.’

I drop to my knees and hug her around her waist, my face wet with tears. ‘No, of course I won’t tell. But people have ways of finding these things out. They’re bound to find something on Rick that links him to you and what you did. Oh God, I can’t bear to lose you again! What are we going to do?’