‘I know,’ she forces out. ‘I don’t expect you to forgive me. But telling you is the only way I can even start to forgive myself, or hope that my God will forgive me, wherever I am going next. That car we hit was driven by a young woman and she had her little girl in the back.’

My hand flies to my mouth. She doesn’t need to spell it out. It’s already obvious to me who they were, otherwise why would she be telling me? They were Dad’s girlfriend and child.

‘The only comfort I can give you is that they were killed immediately. They wouldn’t have suffered and they wouldn’t have known anything about it.’

‘But … why didn’t you go to prison?’ I ask.

‘Because we lied,’ she forces out. ‘We told the police that I was driving because I was sober. That the other driver was careless, we weren’t to blame and that it couldn’t have been avoided.’

I stare at her, open-mouthed. Speechless.

‘We told them that Jesse was properly restrained. We didn’t tell them we were arguing. We were lucky. There were no witnesses, no cameras, we were out in the countryside. There was an investigation, but I was cleared of any wrongdoing. We weren’t speeding and we said the car pulled out without checking or indicating – which it did. It turned out the lady driving the other car was on her phone at the time which added credence to our story. It was ruled an unfortunate accident, helped by the fact that she wasn’t fully concentrating at the time, and no charges were brought.’

She has another coughing fit and I stare at her in disbelief.

‘The accident may have happened anyway, even if Michael had been sober, even if we hadn’t been distracted by our row and by Jesse. Who knows? But whichever way you look at it, we lied, and neither of us ever fully forgave ourselves, or each other. Michael sank into a depression and left. I don’t even know where he is now. We cut all ties. I felt it was best for all of us. He felt the same.’

What the fuck?

‘And my dad … the man who brought me up …’

‘I can only guess that because we took his daughter from him, he decided to take ours,’ she continues. ‘The police investigated, of course, when you were taken, but the man you called your dad had disappeared and by then was widely assumed by those who knew him to have killed himself, consumed by grief. Especially when his car was found where it was. As the police lady told you.