Tears come to my eyes. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been so ungrateful,’ I say, as suddenly, I am. I could have been kinder to this woman. I have caused her a lot of pain and none of this was her fault. ‘And I’m sorry I worried you so much with my behaviour,’ I add. ‘The drinking. The … parties. Trying to hurt myself. Sometimes I’ve felt so overwhelmed I haven’t known what to do. But none of that was fair on you, I understand that now.’

She tries to squeeze my hand again. ‘That’s OK. But please promise me you won’t do that again. Not for me – I will be gone soon. But for you. And for Jesse. He worries about you so much.’

I pause. ‘I can’t promise that,’ I say, because after all, this is pretty much Karen’s death bed and if I can’t be honest now, then when? ‘But I am feeling much better than I was. Working on the ships suits me. And Jesse is always a huge support when things get difficult, I know I can go to him. I’m learning to cope with being me as I am now. It’s just taken a bit of time.’

Karen starts to cough and tears come to her eyes. I help her sit up and take a drink of water. God, I hope she’s not going to die right now. Karen specifically asked me to come alone for this visit and Jesse wanted to respect her wishes. But he’d be devastated if she dies and he’s not here. And I don’t want the responsibility of being the last person she talks to.

‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘Now, the reason I asked you to come here today is that I need to tell you something. I have wrestled with it since you came back, and even for many years before that. In fact even before you were taken.’

Oh God. I’m not sure I’m ready for this. Another declaration of how much I mean to her or something like that. I get it, but it’s embarrassing. Awkward.

‘Many years ago, I did something terrible, and I can’t die with it on my conscience. As you know, I find my religion a great comfort, and I simply can’t go to my grave with a secret of this magnitude. I need to meet my Lord with a clean conscience.’

Suddenly I am more interested. My first thought is that she had an affair at some point, and either Jesse or I have a different father. Though as he hasn’t been on the scene for many years, I don’t see what difference it would make to anything.