‘Oh yes? Like what?’ I ask, casually, trying to keep my breath steady and even.

‘Jesse, you should try this fish, it’s amazing,’ she says, leaning over the table with a piece on her fork and pushing it into my mouth.

‘Mmm. Yes, lovely,’ I say, totally distracted and barely tasting it at all. ‘You were saying? Where were you thinking of going?’

‘This sauce too … want to try? It’s really good.’ She looks up at me and I shake my head. She takes another mouthful.

‘I want to work on a cruise ship,’ she says finally. ‘I’ve been reading up on it. The ships these days are huge and need masses of people. I’m going to apply for a few jobs – things like bar work and cleaning, there are loads of jobs like that on board, but … I had another idea too.’

I am going into full panic mode. She can’t leave! I’ll never see her. She’ll be on the other side of the world – what if she has a crisis and I’m not there to help? I take a deep breath and concentrate on the techniques I’ve been taught to keep myself calm. I’ll allow myself to worry about this later, I decide, but I can’t let her know how stressed I’m feeling about this right now. It will only make her more determined.

‘What’s that?’ I ask, my voice unnaturally high and squeaky. My mouth is dry and I take a sip of water.

‘I’m going to do an aerial dance course. I think I can persuade Karen – your mum – to give me some of my money to do it as it’ll both help me get a job and get me out of her hair, both of which she wants. She’ll be impressed by me spending my cash on something constructive and she’ll like that it involves dancing – dancing is about the only thing she and I have in common apart from you, brother dear. I can’t see her saying no.’ She takes another mouthful of the fish. ‘You sure you don’t want to try some of this sauce?’

‘No, thank you,’ I say. I feel sick. I don’t know what to do. I want her to be happy but I need to keep her close. Otherwise … oh God who knows what might happen?

Laura scrapes the remains of her potato puree into the sauce and takes a last mouthful. ‘Mmm. That was great. Thanks, Jesse.’

‘So why ships? And why aerial?’ I ask.