‘Like I said, I couldn’t sleep,’ I repeated, trying to keep my voice low and steady even though my knees were trembling so much I could hardly stand and for a second or two I thought I might even wet myself. ‘It’s no big deal. I’m fine. No one died. I don’t understand why you’re so upset. I’m tired now, so I’d appreciate it if you’d leave me alone to get back to bed.’

Dad stepped closer to me, so close that I could feel his breath on my face and little flecks of spit as he spoke. ‘Have you done this kind of thing before?’ he asked.

‘Uh – yes,’ I said, because it seemed like the best answer at the time. ‘Loads of times. And nothing bad has ever happened. It’s nice being outside at that time. Peaceful,’ I improvise. ‘Almost magical.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he wailed, somewhere between a shout and a whine. ‘God, Laura, I do all I can to keep you safe and you’re out in the middle of the night wandering around on your own!’

‘Nothing’s going to happen!’ I yelled. ‘There’s no one here, is there? Just me and you.’

‘You could fall. Twist your ankle. Not be able to get up. Freeze to death. Have you thought of that?’

‘It’s summer,’ I muttered.

‘Or there could be poachers. With shotguns. Or kids out doing … I don’t know what. It’s not safe, Laura!’ His voice was becoming high-pitched, almost hysterical. ‘Nothing is safe out there! You’re only safe in here with me!’

‘Fine,’ I muttered. ‘I won’t do it again. OK?’

Dad nodded curtly. ‘Good. Thank you. From now on, you don’t step foot outside this house without my say-so, OK? Day or night. If you’re going for a walk, you tell me.’ He pauses. ‘Ask me, I mean,’ he corrects himself.

I nodded again, panic rising within me. How was I going to see Fred now? ‘’kay,’ I said, hoping Dad couldn’t somehow see my inner turmoil.

‘And I’m sorry, Laura, but … I know I’ve given you your privacy before up until now, but this changes things. I need to know you’re safe. So I’ll be coming up to your room now and again to, uh, check you’re OK sometimes. I don’t want to have to sneak around or be dishonest with you, so that’s why I’m telling you this upfront. So we both know where we are.’

Tears welled in my eyes and fell down my cheek. I nodded miserably. ‘’kay.’

He tried to hug me, but I didn’t want him to touch me and held myself rigid. ‘I love you so much, Laura,’ he mumbled into my hair, ‘the thought of anything happening to you is more than I can bear.’