Chapters (95)
- Front Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Contents
- Video #1
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Video #2
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Video #3
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Eighty-One
- Eighty-Two
- Eighty-Three
- The Final Video
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Back Cover
Did he say that? He filmed me in the hallway at lunch and then filmed me again at the vigil, acting like he was the second coming of Quentin Tarantino. He expresses understanding now, but his camera rolled while my family slinked away. While people threw shit at us.
Another text appears:
You’re going to want to see this. Srsly.
He did say he had something to show me, right before Laura named me public enemy number one.
Even when we were kids, he always had a camera in his face. He never really got that it wasn’t polite to go around filming people without their permission. When we were ten, Daniel filmed an old guy in the park who had tattoos of anchors and airplanes up and down his arms and was feeding birds on a park bench. The guy—who looked to be about a hundred—saw him and came over, moving faster than either one of us could despite his age. He knocked the camera out of Daniel’s hands and gave him a lecture about privacy. The old guy even threw in that he hadn’t landed on Iwo Jima so young shits like us could film him whenever we wanted.
The guy terrified me. Daniel laughed it off, relieved only that his camera had landed in the grass and wasn’t broken.
But, while it’s true that Daniel didn’t understand boundaries, he never lied. Ever. If he tells me I’m going to want to see something, then he really believes I’m going to want to see it. But is he thinking of the twelve-year-old version of me he knew better than anyone else or the seventeen-year-old version he barely knows at all?
My mind flashes to Daniel and Dad shaking hands and how happy Dad looked. That moment took me back to being a kid, when Mom was alive and the only thing to worry about was getting chewed out by an old guy in the park. It feels simple by comparison.
And after hundreds of eyes turned to look at me with disdain and throw rocks at me, it wouldn’t hurt to know someone else is on my side.
Sure. Be there in a few.
Dad’s sitting at his desk in the study, glasses pushed up on top of his thinning hair, a stack of essays spread before him. He looks highly skeptical when I say I want to leave until I mention Daniel’s name, and then his face brightens.
“Okay, sure,” he says with a nod. “But not too late.”
“I won’t be.”
“Are you walking?” he asks.
“Yeah. I’ve always walked to Daniel’s.”
“You were fourteen the last time you did that. You didn’t have much choice.”
“I still remember the way.”
Dad’s face looks pinched, like he’s stubbed his toe.