“What’s he hearing? Did she manage to get any more information from his phone calls?”

“Oh, that.” Chad nods. “No, she didn’t hear anything else. Hannah kind of just caught that other stuff by accident. She’s not really that plugged in. You know how she is.”

“Yeah.” I know I’m not hiding my frustration.

“What?” Chad says in a slightly irritated voice.

“What, what?”

“You seem pissed.”

“I guess so. It’s not fair, but I really want someone to tell me something useful. Something that clears things up. When you said you came by, I figured you’d heard something important.”

“That’s not why I came by,” Chad says, his voice mellow again. “I’m here to see how you’re doing. You know, everybody’s worried about you.”

“I’m worried about me, too,” I say. “Every time someone knocks on the door, I think it’s the cops coming to take me away. And that’s preferable to the alternative.”

“What’s the alternative?”

“That they’re coming to tell me Chloe’s dead. That they found her body in a ditch somewhere.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I know that’s a black cloud to live under. That’s why I came by. You should get out of the house and do something. Nobody’s seen you. Nobody’s hung out with you. Why don’t we all do something? Or just you and I can do something. I don’t care what.”

It feels really good to hear him say that. A weekend with nothing to look forward to but time with friends. Even if there aren’t big plans, sometimes it feels good just to hang out.

But the black cloud passes over my mind like an eclipse.

No Chloe. No answers.

People will recognize me. The kid who murdered his girlfriend and his former best friend. How would it look if I went out while all of this is going on?

“I don’t think I can,” I say.

“Are you sure? We can be really low-key.”

I can’t bring myself to say the word “yes.” I just can’t. “Maybe once all this is over…if it’s ever over.”

Chad face shows his disappointment and that only makes me feel worse. Like I’ve slammed the door on him.

My mind is already racing back to the journal, which is right below me. It screams to me to pick it up.

“Well,” he says, “if you change your mind.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Should he see the journal? Get his help making sense of it all?

But what would Chloe think if I let him see it?

“I’ve got a lot of homework to catch up on,” I say.

Chad’s his usual smooth self. “Yeah, sure, man. I get it.” At the door, he looks back one more time. “And, seriously, think about this weekend.”

“I will,” I say.