“Can we talk?” she asked, not meeting my eye. Without waiting for my answer, she made her way upstairs.

Drew squeezed my knee, and I told myself I wasn’t facing my mother alone. Many firsts, indeed.

Chloe CHAPTER 33 MIÀNZI

We were sitting in my bedroom, which felt too sterile and too not mine to bring me any comfort. I was curled up on my wooden desk chair and my mother was sitting on my bed, back straight, hands folded in her lap, completely prim and proper.

“Is Bā okay?”

“He’s just old,” she lied, brushing it off with her words and a careless hand wave.

“Please,” I whispered, trying to convey with my voice how much I needed to know.

“That shouldn’t be your main concern right now.” How could it not be? “You should be taking a good hard look at yourself and your recent behavior. What happened to you?”

“I’m not pregnant, Mǎmá.” It was all I could think to say.

“But you told everyone you were,” she shot back, as if it were the same thing.

The words carved my heart out. Made me regret down to my empty chest cavity that I hadn’t done the very thing that had made me feel empowered, proud, and free back at the mansion.

She continued, “How could you do this to us after I worked so hard to do the impossible and get you in with the most desirable bachelor?”

“How could you go along with this after you knew their motivation?” Why else would they want you? I heard her say in my head, and I wanted to crawl into a hole.

My mother rolled her eyes. “Aiyah, boys will be boys—just be glad he got that out of his system before you. Who doesn’t make mistakes? At least the Kuos are rich enough to make that baby go away.” My God. “The DUIs will be harder, but they have good connections.”

“DUIs?” Jesus, what else was there?

She barreled on. “Jing-Jing, you hurt not just yourself but Bǎbá and me tonight. Don’t you know that because of your outburst, our family has no liǎn now? Do you know what that means, to have no face? How are we supposed to be a part of the community after what you did? We’re ostriched, Jing-Jing!”

“Ostracized,” I said quietly.

“No, ostriched! So shamed we have to stick our heads in the sand! We’re the embarrassment of the town! You clearly don’t understand how deep miànzi goes. Even though it’s the same words, it’s not like what you Americans say about ‘saving face.’ It’s many layers beyond that. It’s how our community functions—”