She adjusted and exhaled into the crook of my elbow. I laughed at how much it tickled. She did it again, on purpose this time, and I tackled her to the mattress. She was wearing a loose pajama shirt with a neckline wide enough to expose her collarbone and shoulder, and I couldn’t focus as it danced in front of my face while she play wrestled with me. She tried to grab my arm to tickle me again, but I escaped her grasp and wrapped her in a hug so her fingers couldn’t reach me. A fire flashed in her eyes and she kissed me hungrily, and, shit, I was going to lose it on the spot.

That night (er, morning), right before we fell asleep in each other’s arms, Chloe whispered, “Thank you for wanting me.”

I hugged her tight and didn’t let go.

Voicemail from Chloe’s mother

January 30

Jing-Jing? You there? Eh, if you keep this up, Bǎbá and I will come to Chicago very soon to make sure you’re okay! Hmm, actually, that’s a great idea! Then we can have dinner with Andrew’s parents and meet his pastor. That would put a lot of my worries to rest.

[into the distance] Eh! Lǎo Gōng! Do you want to take a trip to Chicago soon?

Jing-Jing, call me back!

Chloe CHAPTER 62 FLYING

January 30–February 5

My week with Drew in Chicago was somehow both fireworks and comfy sweats in rocking chairs. Being near him made my nerve endings sizzle, but talking to him also felt like putting on your favorite fuzzy, broken-in socks that make you say ahhh and feel like everything is going to be okay even though the world is shit.

Yet with every message from my mother, even fuzzy-sock time was tainted with a dash of dread. The thought of my parents—and the threat of what was to come—sent chills down my otherwise well-insulated toes. I decided to shut off my phone while Drew and I were together so I could compartmentalize, at least for now.

Depending on our schedules, we spent some nights at his hotel, some at my dorm. Even though we never explicitly said so, our plans mostly revolved around who would be able to get to the other one sooner so we could maximize our time together. And while the king bed at the hotel was roll-around-making-out, starfish-when-you-sleep awesome, there was also something so cozy about curling tightly in Drew’s arms in my twin bed.

Even though we were physical, it didn’t feel like the main thing. It complemented our conversations, another way to show affection. I was neither expecting nor opposed to sex, but it just didn’t feel necessary right now, not for us in this moment.