Meanwhile, my fellowship further convinced me that art was to be celebrated, not hidden away in secret. I was introduced to others (entire rooms full of them) who cherished what I loved. Some had even achieved my dream. My classes took feelings and instincts I’d had and defined them in clear lines and strokes and gradients.

I drank it all in like Cháng’é drank her longevity potion, and for the first time I believed that I could do this. That I was where I was meant to be. Even if I failed, I would be okay. Because at least I would have tried something that coursed in my veins. Even if my family didn’t come back, I would walk forward. Because I tried to choose this and them, I reminded myself for the millionth time. But now I felt it.

Voicemail from Chloe’s mother

February 5

[cut off because Chloe’s mother started talking before the beep] can’t just leave me a message saying you’re alive and think that’s enough! I’m glad you’re alive, but that’s not enough! And stop calling me when you know I’m at work!

I’m putting a package in the mail to you today: it’s a cream you rub on your belly, and then you bind it up real tight with Ace bandages soaked in this special mud taken from a volcano, and it just poof! Melts your fat away. We’ll video-chat as you do it so I can help you. It’s a present for you and Andrew.

Chloe CHAPTER 64 MY KIND OF FISH BALL

February 6

I woke before Drew on our last full day together. We were at the hotel, snuggled up haphazardly with one of his arms slung over my hips and my forearm nestled beneath his neck. Worried he’d wake up sore, I considered reclaiming my limb, but when I took in the peaceful look on his very familiar face, I instead wrapped both arms around him.

A tear rolled down my cheek. This week had flown by too fast. I wasn’t ready to pop our bubble yet.

But it was already popped. All the decisions I’d been putting off rushed in, demanding my attention. Was I going to tell my parents about him in a week when I returned home for Chinese New Year? My God, it was a week. That was too soon, wasn’t it?

Except… talking to Drew about his family the past few days had given me hope. I had the privilege of seeing someone who was already on the other side, and even though his situation was bleak, he was also whole. Scarred, but whole.

I could do scarred.

I drifted back to sleep hugging my scarred, beautiful man to my chest. I wouldn’t be letting go.