Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Dedication
- Author’s Note
- Author’s Note about Mandarin Words
- THANKSGIVING
- Chloe CHAPTER 1 MATCH.COM ON STEROIDS
- Drew CHAPTER 2 JUST ANOTHER DAY
- Chloe CHAPTER 3 ROUND 1
- Drew CHAPTER 4 JUST ANOTHER NIGHT
- Chloe CHAPTER 5 MIDNIGHT MOONCAKES
- Chloe CHAPTER 6 FRANKENBĀO
- Chloe CHAPTER 7 NON-FRANKENBĀO
- Chloe CHAPTER 8 BÀI TUŌ
- Drew CHAPTER 9 PÒNG!
- Drew CHAPTER 10 LINE
- Chloe CHAPTER 11 HOOK, LINE, SINKER
- Drew CHAPTER 12 DR. HUANG
- Chloe CHAPTER 13 FREE WILLY
- Drew CHAPTER 14 QUIZ
- Chloe CHAPTER 15 THE LAST HURRAH
- Chloe CHAPTER 16 PRETENDING
- Chloe CHAPTER 17 OFF THE CLOCK
- AFTER THANKSGIVING
- Chloe CHAPTER 18 BETTER SKIN
- Drew CHAPTER 19 FOOL
- Drew CHAPTER 20 HEAD BANGING
- Chloe CHAPTER 21 A TEXT A DAY
- Chloe CHAPTER 22 BA-BOOP-BOOP
- Drew CHAPTER 23 ELIZA SCHUYLER
- Chloe CHAPTER 24 ARMOR
- CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR
- Drew CHAPTER 25 CHRISTMAS COOKIES
- Chloe CHAPTER 26 THE PRICE OF PEARS
- Drew CHAPTER 27 O CHRISTMAS TREE
- Chloe CHAPTER 28 LUMINOUS
- Drew CHAPTER 29 GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY
- Chloe CHAPTER 30 PRIME STRIP
- Drew CHAPTER 31 SHARKY SEA
- Chloe CHAPTER 32 SHATTERED
- Chloe CHAPTER 33 MIÀNZI
- Drew CHAPTER 34 UTERUS IN
- Chloe CHAPTER 35 WONTONS
- Drew CHAPTER 36 FALLEN
- Drew CHAPTER 37 HOLY HELL
- Chloe CHAPTER 38 NONWHITE CHRISTMAS
- Drew CHAPTER 39 FOR REALS
- Chloe CHAPTER 40 FISH BALLS
- Drew CHAPTER 41 BETWEEN A SHÍTÓU AND A HARD PLACE
- Drew CHAPTER 42 CHÁNG’É
- Chloe CHAPTER 43 ANSWERS
- Drew CHAPTER 44 CLOSING IN
- Chloe CHAPTER 45 DR. LIN
- Drew CHAPTER 46 THREE SUNS
- Chloe CHAPTER 47 FALLING FALLING FALLING
- Chloe CHAPTER 48 HOURGLASS
- Chloe CHAPTER 49 WANG DENTAL PALACE
- Drew CHAPTER 50 FULL ROM-COM
- Chloe CHAPTER 51 BY THE SEAT OF MY PANTS
- Chloe CHAPTER 52 MOVING FORWARD
- Chloe CHAPTER 53 THE TALK
- Chloe CHAPTER 54 PICKLE
- Chloe CHAPTER 55 FAREWELL FRANKENBREAKFAST
- AFTER NEW YEAR’S
- Chloe CHAPTER 56 REIMMERSION
- Chloe CHAPTER 57 PURGATORY
- Chloe CHAPTER 58 THE CLIFF
- Drew CHAPTER 59 ABOUT TIME
- Chloe CHAPTER 60 HELL OF A GREETING
- Drew CHAPTER 61 I’M GOOD RIGHT HERE
- Chloe CHAPTER 62 FLYING
- Drew CHAPTER 63 SOARING
- Chloe CHAPTER 64 MY KIND OF FISH BALL
- Chloe CHAPTER 65 COLD
- CHINESE NEW YEAR
- Drew CHAPTER 66 BUNS
- Drew CHAPTER 67 DREW CHAN
- Chloe CHAPTER 68 VALENTINE’S DAY
- SPRING BREAK
- Chloe CHAPTER 69 SCAMPERING MOUSE
- TODAY
- Drew CHAPTER 70 EPILOGUE
- Chloe CHAPTER 71 EPILOGUE
- Snippets from Chloe’s application
- Sample of Rent for Your ’Rents Classification Chart
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Glossary
I used to love Froot Loops as a kid because they’re colorful (I’ve always been more artist than food critic), and the pillow was a present from Jordan
I may love where the pillow came from more than the pillow itself…
But I’ll get you your own xiao zhentou
Then I guess mine would need to be string cheese themed
Either have a picture on it or be shaped like one
Ooh maybe peelable?
Long pause.
I miss you
I… may have been typing that and deleting it and typing it again
Thanks for saying it first
I may have been typing and deleting something else
Three words
Chang’e. Has. Diarrhea.
You should keep her out of your rotation for the rest of the night
She ate too much Sichuan food
Maybe that’s why you didn’t fall asleep earlier
You’re ridiculous 
Sleep loose
♥
And Chloe?
It’ll be ok
Someway somehow pieces will fall
And even though it doesn’t feel like it, you will have some control over parts of it
It’s just too fresh for you to see all that right now
Okay
Thanks
♥
Chloe CHAPTER 49 WANG DENTAL PALACE
December 27
I hated spit and pus and blood, not to mention the screeching noises and scent of sterilization, but I went with my parents to the office the next day. Sunday. I wasn’t sure if the Kuos had blacklisted us from all church activities or if we were hiding our faces because we had “no face,” but either way, I needed to rack up mooncake points. Lots of them.
And yet, once I was in the back room of Wang Dental Palace preparing to pour Mrs. Lee’s impression, I regretted my decision to come here today.
I gloved and goggled up, sprayed down her impression with way too much CaviCide disinfectant, then prepared the yellow stone mixture. My parents would be so disappointed to learn I’d forgotten the composition of the stone—calcium something?—but they should just be grateful I wasn’t gagging like I had the first time.
I turned on the… vibrating machine—almost called it a vibrator, but no—and pressed the impression tray to it, my hand and the rest of me shaking with each rapid pulse. It made me feel numb, maybe a little invincible in a weird way, like time had slowed but I was still at full speed, Flash-style. Even though it was gross that I was holding a saliva-covered object that was a negative rendering of someone’s teeth, I did kind of like pressing the thick stone mixture to the impression with my spatula and seeing the vibrations turn it to flowing liquid. Watching molecules shift before your eyes—that was the kind of science I could get on board with, though fewer bodily fluids would be great, please.