Okay, that’s plenty for now! I’ll save the rest for another time when you’re actually there! Maybe we can video-call soon.

Don’t be mad! It’s all for you! And Andrew! I’m just trying to help! You know me, always putting you first, Jing-Jing!

Chloe CHAPTER 57 PURGATORY

January 13

My mother was right in her voicemail. I did know her. And in all this time, she hadn’t changed one bit. Months ago, when Hongbo first became a problem, I still held out hope that I could make her see the puke green. When I hired Andrew, I’d tempered the hope accordingly but still believed she would at least be able to accept someone else—a better someone—over ol’ Dreamboat. Now, after all this, she was as clear as a Waterford champagne flute.

And for the first time, the truth started to sink in: my parents weren’t going to change. If they couldn’t come around during the Hongbo mess for the sake of my happiness, they wouldn’t with anything—or anyone—else.

And I would never be enough. Not my looks or any of my choices.

I’d sacrificed so much for my parents’ sake, yet we were still landing in this purgatory where no one was happy. Maybe the problem was trying to please both of us, having my (moon)cake and eating it too.

Since they weren’t going to change, the question I now had to ask myself was: Them or me? Was I able to fully accept them and their expectations of me? Could I be the Jing-Jing they wanted for the rest of my life? Or would I choose to live the life I wanted, even with the possibility that they wouldn’t be able to accept the real me?

January 13 unsent texts to Drew

<Chloe>

I’m sorry

Do you regret choosing art?

How did you know what you wanted?

I miss you

I choose you

I can’t choose you

Why is this so hard?

I miss you

January 13, 8:16 p.m. CST

<Chloe>

Are you happy?

<Mǎmá Wang>

Is something wrong? You’re not having dark thoughts are you?

I just want to know if you’re happy

Of course I’m happy.

Do you want to know if I’m happy?

Why would you not be?

Do you care if I’m happy?

Aiyah Jing Jing why you need to ask that?

Everything I do is for you. To make you happy. It’s my biggest care in life.

What’s going on? Why all these questions? You’re scaring me.

Nothing to worry about

Just a class assignment

We’re supposed to ask our parents a few questions

Oh. OK.

You tell them how good I am! No helicopter mom!

Just an airplane heehee.

Okay I will

Great joke

I love you

Work hard. No hanky panky. Put on some makeup.

I will send more money when I can.

Thanks, Mama