But between the forced happiness and meaningless small talk, my spaces were empty. I was missing Drew. It also didn’t help that my Rent for Your ’Rents app suddenly went wild with random ba-boop-boop notifications, as if it were trying to remind me how much I’d fucked up.

After a few days of faking, I gave in to my impulses. I reread our texts, opened the Rent for Your ’Rents app to look through the limited Drew data on there, ran my fingers along the edges of the sheep ornaments I’d brought with me because I hadn’t been able to leave them behind. And then, last night, I unfurled the painting that so far in my possession had only seen the underside of my Palo Alto bed and my suitcase. The rip in the corner was a tear in my heart but also a reminder of what my presence did to him.

You can’t hurt him now that you’re out of his life, I told myself.

But why did that feel like a lie?

Voicemails from Chloe’s mother

January 10

You know, Jing-Jing, I’ve been thinking. It really doesn’t sit right with me that we haven’t met Andrew’s parents yet. Do you think we could talk about arranging something in the future, maybe the next time we come visit you at school? I just… you know me. I need to make sure he comes from good people. I know they’re surgeons, but that’s not a guarantee. I want to see their home, their church. How can I fully know Andrew until I see those things?

I’ll look at the calendar. Bye-bye!

January 13

Jing-Jing? Eh, did you know not to pick up this call because it would be a tough conversation? Well, good instincts. Don’t get mad, okay?

I’ve been thinking, and I just want to make sure you keep Andrew. See? That’s a good thing. I’m on your side now about him. So with that in mind… you were looking a bit chunky last time I saw you. Are you getting enough exercise? Now that you’re in a relationship, it’s even more important you maintain yourself. Putting on foundation, eyeliner, mascara—that’s a politeness normally, but even more important to do for your boyfriend. I only pushed it a little before, but now it’s time, Jing-Jing. You need to become more of a woman. Makeup is your friend. It helps plain girls look pretty—glamorous, even! I know I already gave you the tuition check, but maybe you can take some of it to pay for some makeup classes? And once you lose the weight, we’ll talk about some new clothes and underwear—underwear for show only, for when you bend over and your pants accidentally fall too low! No hanky-panky!