What kind of a father was he? The kind who had a beer too many – and clearly even one was too many at the moment – and put his kid at risk? No, he was not. That was Roland, and he was not Roland.

And yet, here he was. An inch or two different and he would be a cautionary tale – There was this dad who was super tired and he went for a drink after work and when he got home he had a bath with his baby …

He shuddered again at the thought of what could have happened. It was almost as though, for an instant, it had happened, and he had a fleeting experience of what it would have felt like: a visceral, whole-body experience of intense pain.

It would pass, he knew, this feeling. But the lesson would be learned.

He climbed out of the bath and grabbed a towel. Alice was in Jo’s room, bent over her crib, soothing her to sleep.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I really am.’

She glanced up, her eyes hard. ‘Good.’

‘I think I’m going to go to bed. When she wakes, I’ll get up with her. OK?’

Alice barely acknowledged him. ‘Have a good sleep.’

Alice

Kay was probably her closest friend. They had met at the swimming pool when she first moved here. Alice was halfway through her swim when Kay appeared at the end of her lane and asked if she could share it.

Sure, Alice said.

Left or right?

I don’t mind, Alice said. If you have a preference, go ahead.

I prefer the right, Kay said.

Why, Alice didn’t know, because it didn’t seem to make any difference, because whatever Kay lacked in technique – and she lacked more or less everything – she made up for in enthusiasm. It was like swimming next to a slow-moving whirlpool, the swirling currents constantly buffeting her.

At some point, they found themselves at the same end.

You’re really good, Kay said.

Not really. I used to swim a bit.

Better than me. Honestly, tell me what you think?

Of what?

Of my swimming.

There are some positive aspects, Alice said. You move a lot of water around.

Is that good?

Yeah – you just want to move it all in the same direction. Ideally behind you.

What do I do?

You move quite a bit of it in quite a few directions.

Damn, Kay said. Is that why I’m so slow, even though I’m trying my hardest?

I think it could be part of the explanation.

They had seen each other a few more times in the pool, then Kay had suggested meeting for a drink. She was bright-eyed and fun-loving and the most opinionated person Alice had ever known. She had an opinion on every topic and an answer for every question, and never failed to offer detailed advice.

She called her and held the phone to her ear.