‘Well, I’m not,’ Roland said. ‘I’m sober. No booze, no junk, no weed. I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s the truth. That’s all that matters to me. Although I won’t say I don’t think about it, all the fucking time. That’s the worst part, actually, Tom – not the craving, that I can deal with. It’s that I’m constantly thinking about it. About how it would feel, about how it would make my anxiety go away. About how I could slip away into the bliss that I know is right there, right at my fingertips. I never stop thinking about it – and that terrifies me. Is this what I’ve done to myself, Tom? Is this the rest of my life? Because if it is, I’m not sure I can stand it.’

‘It’ll get better,’ Tom said. ‘I’m sure it will. And I’m sorry. That was judgemental. But I’m having a pretty shit day of my own.’

‘Care to elaborate?’

‘The Crucifix Killer sent another note. This time telling Alice she’s next.’

‘My God,’ Roland said. ‘That is a bad day.’

‘So we’re going away for a while.’

‘Away? Where away?’

‘Tonight we’ll be in a hotel, then we’re going to a house in the Lake District Alice rented.’

‘Is it that bad?’ Roland said.

‘Worse. She’s the target now. And they’ve been at our house, posting letters through the door.’ He shook his head. ‘Even if it’s not a real threat, I can’t stay there. I can’t sleep at night. This morning I looked like you. Maybe not that bad, actually.’

‘You should be safe up there,’ Roland said. ‘Where is it?’

‘We’re keeping it secret.’

‘Oh. I understand.’

‘Although I was worried about Dad. If something happened and you needed to contact me it might be worth you having the address.’

‘I could phone you.’

‘Could be no reception. So just in case, I thought I’d give you the address.’ It was a way of signalling to Roland that he was trying to trust him. A small step, and harmless enough, but something. He took out his phone. ‘Alice emailed it to me. Here. I’ll forward it on.’

‘OK,’ Roland said. ‘Stay safe.’

‘I will. And don’t tell anyone where we are.’

‘I won’t,’ Roland said. ‘You can count on me.’

Saturday, 28 August 2021

Tom

They were staying in a hotel at Manchester airport. It felt safe, with all the security about. He, Alice and Jo were having breakfast. The breakfasts were his favourite thing about staying in a hotel – there were no more buffets, but you could still order eggs and fruit and bacon and porridge, and start the day properly.

His dad used to order kippers whenever they were on the menu, but Tom drew the line there.