It is worse than an animal. It cannot move or feed itself or do anything animals can do from the day they are born.

Does it even feel pain, really? People ask the same of animals. Of fish.

They do feel pain. You know this from personal experience. If you burn a dog with a cigarette butt there is no doubt it feels pain.

And it learns. It learns to avoid cigarette butts.

Could a baby learn the same?

You circle its thigh with your thumb and forefinger. It’s flesh is soft and fat.

You squeeze. It does not react.

You squeeze a bit harder. Your pulse is racing. Its face screws up.

You squeeze a bit harder. This will leave a mark, but that’s OK.

It starts to cry. It feels pain, that is clear.

And it is very satisfying to witness.

Alice

They had arranged to meet in the Red Lion; Tom would be in the London Bridge and Alice didn’t want to run into him. She was a few minutes late – Martha wasn’t free so she had dashed to Tom’s parents’ to leave Jo with them and Roland – and when she arrived Kay was already sitting at a table in the corner, two glasses of white wine in front of her.

‘Got you a drink,’ Kay said. ‘Save you going to the bar.’

‘Thanks.’ She raised her glass and they clinked them together. ‘Cheers.’

‘How’s Jo?’ Kay said. ‘And Tom?’

‘They’re fine.’

‘You still worried about him?’

‘A bit.’ She sipped her drink. ‘Quite a bit, actually.’

‘Tell me more.’

‘I worry he’s not coping well. We had a blow-out row earlier.’

‘What about?’

‘Me coming out tonight.’

‘I didn’t think he was the possessive type?’

‘He’s not. It’s more that I didn’t tell him we’d arranged it.’

‘We only decided on it this morning. There wasn’t much time to tell him.’

‘I know,’ Alice said. ‘But he didn’t think that. He had his own plans. Anyway, I dropped off Jo at his mum’s place, so we can both go out.’

‘Sounds like a normal married couple’s argument to me,’ Kay said. ‘Having a baby’s stressful.’

‘It’s more than that,’ Alice said. ‘That’s what bothers me. It’s like he’s fighting to keep it together. I’m worried he’ll crack. And I’m worried what he might do when he does.’

Tom

Was he being unreasonable?

It was hard to know. He had no experience of figuring out what the right approach was when your wife was contacted by a serial killer and you were seriously sleep deprived and wondering whether the cause of your sleep deprivation – your beautiful baby daughter – was safe.