I fantasise about being in the pool, watching the sunset over the ocean. I’d daydreamed about doing this with Daniel when I probably should have been writing my book. I hope it isn’t ruined for me now.

Before Savino leaves, he realises he is still clutching my suitcase, so he places it down in the lounge area. I plonk myself on the sofa next to it.

It’s quiet in here. Really quiet. Maybe too quiet, for my particular set of circumstances. I desperately wanted to escape from my life earlier, but now that I’m here, with it being so late and the villa being a little out of the way… I feel so alone. Not just here, but when I eventually go back to my real life too.

As I unzip my suitcase, something immediately catches my eye. My mind darts back to the airport, when a lady who worked there asked me if I packed my bag myself. I said yes because I did. I feel so, so fortunate that no one looked inside, because it would seem my dear friend Ali snuck a honeymoon present in there for me – I imagine when she stopped by to put the banner up. I’m starting to regret leaving her that key to water my plants – oh, wait, she won’t be using it now.

I remove the massive purple dildo from my suitcase and stand it on the table. It’s made of soft plastic and yet it’s so hard and heavy. It stands erect on the table, at maybe eight or nine inches. I know Ali well enough to know that this was probably her idea of a joke. I don’t think she looked at me, and then at Daniel, and thought, Yep, they’d appreciate an emasculating big, purple plastic dick on their honeymoon.

Here alone, it just makes me feel sad – which sounds weird, but I can imagine what was going through Ali’s head when she planted it in there, and then I imagine what Daniel would have said when we found it. There’s no way he would’ve found it funny, which would’ve made me find it even funnier. Mostly it just makes me miss my friend.

I snap a photo of my new purple friend sitting pretty on the coffee table, and text it to Ali with the caption:

Got here safe, it’s a gorgeous place. Thanks for the present – what the hell am I supposed to do with that? haha x

I only have a chance to remove a beach towel from my case before a reply comes through.

Do you need me to send you a diagram? Haha! Glad you got there safe. Stop moping and have some fun! x

Moping is exactly what I’m doing right now; she really does know me so well.

I quickly toss my phone to one side, not wanting to see another word, well-meaning message or photo from the wedding.

I pick up the resort guide from the table and have a flick through. It’s only the same information I’ve looked at on the website a million times, with a handy little map for finding your way around, but reading about the twenty-four-hour bar is something I didn’t already know.