I suppose I could have another drink, or…

I’m pulled from my poor judgement-making by my phone ringing. I’ve blocked Daniel across all platforms – Eva too – so that I don’t have to listen to any poor excuses. There is nothing either of them can say to me that will make me feel any better right now. Still, I eyeball my phone suspiciously for a moment before glancing at the screen and realising that it’s my mum.

‘Hello,’ I say, casual as ever.

‘Lila, are you okay?’ my mum asks.

‘Oh, you know,’ I reply, putting my brave voice on. ‘How are you?’

‘Oh, darling. I’ve got Mandy here too – can I put you on speaker?’

‘Sure,’ I reply. ‘Hi, Mand.’

‘Lila, are you all right?’ she asks.

‘I’m just… I think I’m still in shock. I can’t believe it. Sorry for disappearing. Ali said she’d take care of things. I just wanted to get away.’

‘We completely understand,’ Mum says. ‘Don’t worry about anything. Ali was great. We’ve got all your things here and there were lots of presents. They’re here with me.’

Oh, God, I’d forgotten about all the presents.

‘Can you guys return them for me? I don’t want people to think I’m keeping them.’

‘Of course we can,’ my mum replies. ‘Don’t worry about anything like that. We’re worried about you. Ali says you’re going on honeymoon on your own.’

‘I am. But honestly, Mum, I think it will do me good. It’s the best place for me. I can relax and work and try and figure out what to do next.’

‘There’s plenty of time to think about what happens next,’ Mandy tells me. ‘You just focus on having a nice time, I suppose.’

‘Has Daniel spoken to either of you?’ I can’t help but ask.

‘No, he scarpered pretty sharpish after everyone found out,’ my mum says. ‘Your dad was furious – I’ve never seen him so mad. I think Daniel was scared.’

‘Spineless,’ Mandy chimes in. ‘That’s what he is. Absolutely spineless.’

‘That’s one word for him,’ I exclaim.

‘Have you heard from him?’ my mum asks.

‘Nope,’ I say. ‘Although I did block him, so he couldn’t if he wanted to. I suppose I’ll unblock him at some point, when my head stops spinning, hear what he has to say for himself.’

I say that because it sounds right, but I never want to hear his voice again. The thought of Daniel calling me makes me feel physically sick, because I absolutely don’t want to talk to him. The thought of him not trying to call though… somehow that seems even worse. I can’t stop questioning how much he could’ve cared for me, if he was able to cheat on me for God knows how long (I’m scared to think about that too), so it does seem like a possibility that he might not have tried to call at all. The only comfort I have right now is the control I have over the situation. The fact that I left him is all I have.