‘Erm, you mean Freddie, not Edward,’ I remind her. ‘I am terrified that, since I watched the movie, I'm going to accidentally call him Edward… but no, that was not our punishment. There is a punishment though.’

‘No!’ Ali’s champagne glass hovers in front of her mouth as she waits for a taste of something juicier. ‘What’s your punishment?’

‘Get this,’ I start, hoping to psych her up as much as possible. ‘It turns out that Valentine Island isn’t just for those who are wildly in love, it’s for couples who are struggling too. They have multiple therapy programmes for couples… and they want Freddie and I to attend a couple of sessions.’

‘But you’re not even a real couple,’ Ali reminds me, her glass still held firmly in place.

‘I know,’ I reply. ‘There’s a group session tomorrow – which Daniel and Eva will be at – and then we have to have a one-on-one session – well, technically I think they’re two-on-two sessions.’

‘How kinky,’ Ali says.

‘Two therapists,’ I point out. ‘One male, one female. So no gender feels ganged up on.’

Ali finally allows herself to fall about laughing. She roars, bangs the table, throws her head back. It’s quite the scene, for everyone else here – real couples – trying to have a romantic lunch.

‘Can they make you do it, though?’ she asks. ‘They can’t, right?’

‘I don’t suppose they can, no,’ I reply. ‘But they’ve told us that, if we want to continue to take part in the competition, then we have to resolve our issues. So…’

‘So, if you want to wipe the smile off Daniel and Eva’s faces…’

‘And win enough money to pay off my wedding debts,’ I add. ‘Then yes, I have to go to therapy.’

‘Oh, my God, this is honestly the best date I’ve ever been on,’ she jokes. ‘This is hilarious.’

‘It’s definitely better than the last date we went on together,’ I point out.

‘Oh, God, yes – I don’t know if I ever truly thanked you for that.’

‘You definitely owe me one,’ I remind her. ‘Worst date of my life.’

Years ago, before I met Daniel, I ended up going on a double date with Ali – my first and only double date.

Ali had met this guy called Gareth – I think he was some kind of surgeon, which is probably why Ali was so interested in him. Ali going out with a surgeon would be like me going out with someone who sold chocolate… just with opposite consequences. She was about to ‘seal the deal’ with Gareth, as she phrased it at the time, until his brother came into town and he said he would have to cancel. Ali was so sure that, if she didn’t bed him that night, she never would, so she told Gareth that he should bring his brother along on the date, because she knew someone who would be perfect for him… me.

Gareth’s brother Howard was certainly an interesting character, but I was in no way perfect for him, and he could not have been more wrong for me. At first I figured we just didn’t have all that much in common, but that didn’t matter too much; I was just here for my friend. Howard was talking about the PhD he was writing at the moment – something about animals. That’s the thing with PhDs, though, they’re always so deep into a particular topic that, to a layman, the theses are impossible to wrap your head around. Had he been writing about something closer to my area of expertise – say, an analysis of hegemonic social constructs in Gossip Girl – then we could’ve been talking, but the way things were, I was just politely listening.