After Emily’s accident, Maddy found out she was suffering with postnatal depression. Now and then she wonders if it made her want to harm her baby, after all she knew not to leave the bathroom, yet she did. Emily could have died. The memories of what happened that day are fixed solid in her mind. If only Mum had been around to help her, none of these terrible things would have happened. Chloe might still be alive, too, because Mum would have noticed the early signs of meningitis. Why didn’t she pick up on them? What kind of mother is she that she couldn’t protect her children when they needed her most? Why didn’t she know her husband had another family? What is wrong with her? She sits on the toilet seat with the towel across her lap and presses her fingers into her forehead.

She’d laid everything out ready for Emily’s bath that day. Emily was three months old and loved sitting in the plastic seat she’d picked up at a baby sale. She’d just finished washing Emily and had the towel ready on her lap when her mobile rang. She remembers glancing at the bathroom door, which she’d left ajar. Her phone was out on the newel post at the top of the stairs. It could wait, she told herself. But the moment after it rang off it started ringing again. It would be Max, stuck in heavy traffic letting her know he was going to be home late. He could leave a message then she would call him back a bit later. Emily was happily splashing around with her squirty toy fish. Maddy drizzled water over Emily’s shoulders making her giggle. The phone rang a third time making her jump. The tone seemed louder and much more insistent. She became convinced Max had been in a car crash and someone was calling from the hospital. Without thinking, Maddy ran out of the bathroom and grabbed the phone. In her head she’d convinced herself it would only take a second and Emily was secure in her seat. But it wasn’t Max calling, it was someone churning out their sales pitch to her, when was the last time you had your gutters cleared, madam? Would you be interested in twenty-five per cent off our usual price? Their stupid questions distracted her.

‘What the hell?’ she shouted and hung up. She’d suddenly lost all sense of time and couldn’t think how many seconds she’d been away from Emily. She could hear splashing and dashed back to the bathroom, chucking the phone on the towel. But Emily wasn’t sitting up in the seat anymore; the suckers had come unstuck and the whole seat had tipped forwards. Emily was lying face down in the water, arms flailing around with the seat on top of her.