‘Time for sleep now.’ He kissed her forehead and switched the phone off. He sat by her side and waited until her eyes shut. He liked to watch her breathing while she slept. Deep steady breaths. He picked up her favourite teddy, the one with a cushioned heart sewn onto its paws, the stuffing bursting out of a seam. Old but loved.

He must be crazy to want to stay in touch with Ali when she still possessed this power over him, like the moon’s invisible strings pulling the tide. He stood at the window entranced by the fat silvery ball in the sky, ridiculously bright. Ali was the only girl he’d ever loved before Maddy. He should be over her by now, so why did she make his heart sing just thinking about her? He’d moved on, was happily married and had two wonderful kids. How was it possible to feel this way about someone else? It felt like his own body and heart were betraying him.

In their bathroom, he stripped off and stepped under the shower. He’d call Ali tomorrow, tell her he couldn’t see her again.

Back in the bedroom, Maddy slipped into bed naked. A shower late at night usually meant they had sex.

‘You look tired.’ Maddy stroked his forehead as he climbed in next to her.

‘It’s been a long day, things on my mind,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her ample body. But when he shut his eyes, all he saw was Ali.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Maddy: October 2019

Maddy wraps the screwdriver in a plastic bag to take to Alison’s house. She’s always on the lookout for obstacles such as nosy neighbours. In the last few days she’s taken to wearing a professional-looking tabard and carrying a plastic holder full of cleaning products and cloths so that if any were to question her, she can tell them she is Ms Wood’s cleaner.

For a moment she stops and stares in disbelief at the bag on the kitchen counter. What is happening to her? Why is she doing this when she longs to stay at home, curl up under the duvet and sob her heart out for her little girl? But her obsession with this woman and compulsion to punish her is too overwhelming. She picks the bag up and grips it so tightly that her hand hurts. Her teeth clench together. The humiliation and betrayal cuts deep. It destroyed her mother but she won’t let it destroy her.

Sarah catches her as she is going out the door. She props up her bicycle against the wall after her morning ride. Maddy stops dead and cups her bump with both hands. ‘Ooh, feel that, the baby’s kicking well today.’

Sarah smiles and reaches out.

‘Can you feel it?’

Sarah moves her hand around over Maddy’s coat. ‘I think it’s stopped, I’ve missed it.’

‘Ah, that’s a shame.’