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Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Prologue
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Chapter Sixty
  64. Chapter Sixty-One
  65. Chapter Sixty-Two
  66. Chapter Sixty-Three
  67. Chapter Sixty-Four
  68. Chapter Sixty-Five
  69. Chapter Sixty-Six
  70. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  71. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  72. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  73. Chapter Seventy
  74. Chapter Seventy-One
  75. Chapter Seventy-Two
  76. Chapter Seventy-Three
  77. Chapter Seventy-Four
  78. A Letter From Ruby
  79. Acknowledgements
  80. About the Author
  81. Also by Ruby Speechley

‘It’s okay,’ he said and kissed her forehead. ‘What formula milk do you want her to have?’

‘You choose.’ Her voice was croaky.

Max sat in the corner of the dimly lit room while Maddy went to sleep. The midwife showed him how to feed his daughter with a bottle. After, as Emily slept, he watched the sun rise across the rooftops until the transformation from night into day was complete.

Max brought them home the following lunchtime and encouraged Maddy to rest while he saw to Emily. He enjoyed feeding her, listening to her faint snuffling sounds and smelling the soft powdered freshness. Maddy hadn’t taken much interest in her, all she wanted to do was sleep. The midwife told them Maddy had a touch of baby blues, that she needed time to adjust and how lucky that Max could be around to help.

On Saturday, Maddy was first out of bed. Max heard the grating noise of her pulling back the garage doors. When he looked out of the landing window, he saw her dragging out an old Chinese rug wrapped in plastic. It was one he’d taken up from her mother’s bedroom when he first moved in. It needed a good clean. He banged on the window but she didn’t hear him, so he ran downstairs and out the front door.

She wheeled out a Silver Cross pram full of rusty birdcages and planks of wood. Everything smelled dusty and mouldy.

‘What are you doing?’ he called, stopping the pram with both hands. ‘You should be resting.’

‘I’m sick of resting, it feels lazy.’ She stomped back into the garage and came out carrying a string-less guitar.

‘Let me take that,’ he said grabbing it from her. Behind her were oil paintings, an old Belfast sink and stacks of newspapers tied up with rope.

‘Go and get some clothes on,’ she said, snatching the guitar back. He looked down at his boxers.

‘All right, but you need to wait for me.’

By the time he came back out, Maddy had stacked each item on top of the other in a straight line along the driveway. Max stood on the front doorstep, watching her. She stopped to acknowledge him standing there.

‘Everything must go,’ she said and disappeared into the gloomy depths of the garage.

‘What do you want to do with it all?’ he said as she emerged again, this time with a brown ceramic bowl that said ‘Dog’. ‘And why now?’

Out of the bowl she lifted a scruffy leather collar. There were tears in her eyes as she handed them both to him. ‘We need to get a dog.’

‘Whatever you want but are you sure about getting rid of all these things?’ He didn’t know how to stop her building this wall.

‘What else should I do with it?’ She held out a set of long-handled paintbrushes. ‘Do you want these?’