‘You said Daddy would be here,’ Emily whines and stamps her foot.

A lump rises in Maddy’s throat. Her eyes fill up. He can’t be dead, he can’t be! Not her Max. But why isn’t he here? She covers her face with her hands and grief chugs out of her like a steam train, in deep shattering gasps. She doesn’t think she will ever be able to stop.

The taxi pulls up outside the house at eleven. Maddy stumbles outside and leans against the car door. Somewhere between getting up this morning and walking to the car, she has lost her balance. She can’t do this. Not without Max. But she must. She climbs into the back. Emily sits next to her, looking paler than ever. Has she even eaten? Maddy locks her hands together, flexing her fingers. She gazes at the world through dark tinted glass and when she’s certain she has no more tears to shed, her swollen eyes brim again. This must mean it’s real, it did happen. Chloe’s gone. And now him.

The car pulls through the cemetery gates and up the narrow pathway. Tall oak and sycamore trees around the perimeter block out the sun creating a pool of light in its centre. Maddy stares up at a weeping stone angel as they pass by.

They stop alongside Chloe’s grave. Maddy opens the door and takes a moment to breathe in the fresh air. Emily leans over and hugs her. When Maddy steps out, she feels like she’s arriving from a life-long journey. Her knees almost give way. She links arms with Emily, and together they shuffle towards the grave side.

She imagines Max’s strong arm holding her up as he did at the funeral. He shook people’s hands and exchanged whispered words. But she couldn’t speak. There were no words for this. The reverend strode towards them, long swathes of dark material swishing behind him like beating wings. He took their hands between his smooth cold palms and asked if they were ready. Max’s nod was so slight, his eyes creased into tiny chips of black jet. She remembered thinking how will I ever be ready? And now they have to come to terms with Max not coming home either.

Maddy kneels and places the wreath on the small mound of earth and blows a kiss. ‘Happy birthday, my darling angel.’ Her fingers lightly touch the ceramic teddy bear. Head bowed, arm around her bump, her sobs roll through her body. Emily clings to her coat arm, hiding her face.