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Chapters (81)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Prologue
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Chapter Sixty
  64. Chapter Sixty-One
  65. Chapter Sixty-Two
  66. Chapter Sixty-Three
  67. Chapter Sixty-Four
  68. Chapter Sixty-Five
  69. Chapter Sixty-Six
  70. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  71. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  72. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  73. Chapter Seventy
  74. Chapter Seventy-One
  75. Chapter Seventy-Two
  76. Chapter Seventy-Three
  77. Chapter Seventy-Four
  78. A Letter From Ruby
  79. Acknowledgements
  80. About the Author
  81. Also by Ruby Speechley

She goes back inside and plods upstairs with a pile of Chloe’s ironed clothes. In the child-size wardrobe she hangs Chloe’s favourite party dress and in the bottom drawer she tucks the paint-splattered jeans she wore to help Max paint her room. There’s the T-shirt she wouldn’t give away, even though it was too small and the jumper Maddy knitted for her. She’ll take them out and wash them all again next week.

Sitting on the bed, she folds back the pillow and smooths over the unicorn print pyjamas. She pictures Chloe bouncing into the room, arms open, launching herself at Maddy for a hug.

At the window, her hand brushes away the invisible layer of dust. It leaves a grey shadow on her skin. She opens the window and wipes the specks into the passing air.

As she leaves, a drawing of them on the wall above the bed comes unstuck. Daddy, Mummy, Emily and Me. When she presses the corner back, it immediately pops out again. She can hear Chloe’s giggle.

Downstairs, she puts a saucepan of hot water on the hob and wanders into the living room. The sleepless nights are catching up with her. Lying on the sofa, she switches on the television, but soon drifts into sleep. She dreams about chasing Max, trying to make him come home. Everywhere she goes a line of blood trails behind her from an umbilical cord. When she catches up with him his face has changed, it isn’t Max at all.

An hour later, she wakes to a faint nutty smell of burning. She staggers into the kitchen. The sleepy dogs plod after her. The empty pan hisses on the red cooker plate. The water has evaporated, and the bottom of the pan has burned. She can’t remember what she was heating water for. She switches the cooker off and drizzles cold water into the pan; it sizzles and turns cloudy. Max has told her so many times not to leave the kitchen while she’s cooking. Once, she gave everyone food poisoning from not cooking frozen chicken pies for long enough. Max was angry that he was too ill to go to work for the rest of the week. She’d joked that it was the longest time he’d spent at home in ages.