A few minutes later he pulled over in a lay-by and tipped the contents of his wallet onto the passenger seat. Two current accounts and four credit cards in both his names, all maxed out and only forty-five pence in cash. He felt too sick to eat. He’d handed his notice in to John that morning because he wasn’t getting him any work, and he couldn’t ask Tom for another sub: he knew what the answer would be. Three more weeks until payday. He pushed his hands into his face. He couldn’t go over to Ali’s now. She was bound to have some bill or other that needed paying or want cash for food or yet another pair of shoes. He’d have to go home, cap in hand and ask Maddy to bail him out, but she was in a right state and didn’t need more stress, especially from him. He should be supporting her through this. He was a useless, useless idiot, just like his father. Right at this moment, there was only one option left.

He started the engine and roared off into the night, not even knowing where he was heading, but did it even matter? Voices and conversations swirled around in his head. Alison shouting that her dad had been right about him all along and why didn’t he want to marry her when she’d picked out the perfect dress? And Maddy explaining how disappointed she was in him. How betrayed she felt that he’d had a child with another woman, used her money to set up home with her. How cocky and confident he’s been thinking he could keep both lives separate and make everyone happy. Hadn’t he just been pleasing himself? His mind flashed back to his father thrashing him with a belt for spilling a glass of orange juice, and his mother’s indifference, her coldness turning away, like they were strangers. Had he been a mistake, or just not lived up to their expectations? He’d never found out and Gran never told him, if she even knew herself. More than anything he’d desperately wanted to be a good father to his children. But he’d failed. On top of it all he had two babies on the way. He could barely cope now. What kind of life could he give any of them? If he stayed with Maddy, Jamie wouldn’t have him around. And how could he ever leave Maddy and Emily after everything they’d been through? The thought of abandoning any of them was killing him. And now, his beautiful, sweet baby girl was dead. He had to face up to the truth; he’d failed them all.