I get up from the sofa and go into the bedroom. I take a notebook out of my bag and rip out two pages. Then, returning to the living room, I spread them on the coffee table and write two identical notes: one for Sonia and one for Julia. In it, I thank them both for all they have done for me these last few weeks. I tell them that I don’t deserve that kindness because I am a bad person. I tell them that I have discovered the truth about the day of the accident and that I am to blame for Elspeth’s death.

But what I don’t tell them is that I am going back to the place where this all began, the place where I committed an act of violence against my child; the place that knows my secrets.

I am going back to the river.

50