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Back Day of the Accident
Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. What readers are saying about
  5. Epigraph
  6. Prologue
  7. Part One
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. Part Two
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. 39
  48. 40
  49. 41
  50. 42
  51. 43
  52. 44
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. 49
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. Part Three
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. 55
  65. 56
  66. 57
  67. 58
  68. Epilogue
  69. Acknowledgements
  70. THE NEXT THRILLER BY NUALA ELLWOOD
  71. THE BEGINNING

As I emerge from the prison gates I see that Sonia is waiting for me in her car. I smile, remembering those early days when I’d just come out of hospital and how she had helped me navigate my way through the fog. Even when I was sent to prison she stuck by me; coming to visit and keeping me updated on her progress at university. She’s a good person and I will always be grateful to her.

As we drive away I hold on tight to the bouquet of peonies that arrived at the prison this morning: from Julia. There’s a little card attached.

Dear Mum

I am not ready yet. But maybe soon.

Stay in touch,

Your daughter x

When we reach the crossroads I ask Sonia if she will take a detour. There is somewhere I need to go; someone I have to see.

Sonia stays in the car. She knows I have to do this on my own. The air is still and cool as I make my way across the churchyard, weaving in and out of the stones. Up ahead I see a collared dove sitting on an old lichen-covered stone.

And then I see her. Elspeth Catherine Allan. Born on a crisp February morning in Chelsea and Westminster Hospital weighing eight pounds six ounces. A fair-haired girl with green eyes and beautiful soft pink skin. A healthy baby, according to the midwife, strong and thriving. When they laid her on my chest the heat of her body warmed mine. She’d curled her little hand into a fist and I had wrapped my hand around it. ‘Hello, beautiful girl,’ I’d whispered. ‘I’m your mummy.’

My legs feel stiff as I kneel by the stone. I stretch them out then turn and lie on my side. I close my eyes and imagine that I’m lying next to her on the bed. We’ve just finished reading the latest chapter of her book and we’re both so tired we can barely keep our eyes open. I hear her breath rising and falling next to me, feel the soft skin of her arm as it wraps round mine. ‘Mummy, will you sing to me until I go to sleep?’ And so I sing our song about the moon shining bright until I feel her body grow heavy.

The dove regards me for a moment with its beady eye then spreads its wings and takes flight. My eyes follow it as it rises into the winter sky, so alive and vital, like it’s about to embark on the greatest adventure of its life.

‘Goodnight, beautiful girl,’ I whisper. ‘Sleep tight.’

Acknowledgements

My deepest thanks and appreciation to Katy Loftus, the best editor a writer could wish for! It has been a dream to work with you and the amazing team at Viking Penguin.