‘One, two, three, four …’

I grab his shoulders and pull him down on top of me, wrapping my arms round his neck. When the camera clicks I throw my head back. I have never felt so free.

I put the photograph down and my hands begin to shake so badly I have to squeeze them together to make them stop. It is all clear now, every little bit of it.

The details I have spent the last few weeks desperately trying to hide from myself suddenly come tumbling forth. The day of the accident. I was sitting at my desk writing the next chapter of my novel. My phone buzzed. I picked it up and read the text. It was Ben.

Are you free to meet tonight? It would be great to say hi. For old time’s sake …

I’d held the phone in my hands for a couple of moments, trying to assemble my thoughts. I’d assumed his phone call the previous day had been a one off. I never imagined he’d want to meet up. I couldn’t do it, I told myself, I couldn’t rake up all those feelings again. Best to tell him thanks but no thanks. But then I thought about the last few months, about Sean’s late nights, his trip to Stockholm, Christmas Eve. I thought about my novel – the story of a woman having imaginary conversations with a long-dead author – and the loneliness that made me want to write it.

Now I know why I have chosen to block out the events of that day. It’s because they confirm what I am: a selfish person; a disloyal wife; a terrible mother.

But as I typed out my reply to Ben I didn’t feel any of those things. Instead I felt excited, alive. Even after what he’d done to me.

Ben had texted back immediately, suggesting we meet at the pub by the river. The Plough Inn. I told him that I’d have to bring Elspeth and that I didn’t want to be too late as it was a school night. He’d replied that it would be lovely to see her, that one late night wouldn’t hurt.

And then I bundled Elspeth into the car and drove towards the river.

Her cardigan lies on the bed next to me. I take it in my hands and rub the coarse material between my finger and thumb. It all makes sense now. Sean sent it. He is the only person, aside from me, who would have access to Elspeth’s things. This is Sean’s way of punishing me, of making me feel the pain he has felt these last few months. It’s his way of telling me that he knows.

I made a huge mistake and Elspeth paid for it with her life. There is nothing more to find out. I know the truth now and there is only one solution.