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Back Day of the Accident
Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. What readers are saying about
  5. Epigraph
  6. Prologue
  7. Part One
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. Part Two
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. 39
  48. 40
  49. 41
  50. 42
  51. 43
  52. 44
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. 49
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. Part Three
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. 55
  65. 56
  66. 57
  67. 58
  68. Epilogue
  69. Acknowledgements
  70. THE NEXT THRILLER BY NUALA ELLWOOD
  71. THE BEGINNING

It’s different this time. My body is older, weaker. All the fight in me is gone. I take another long slug of vodka. It tastes disgusting but I need it if I’m to carry this out properly. As I knock it back my head begins to spin. I try to focus on the water in front of me but it has turned into a whirlpool, the ripples twisting into grotesque shapes; demons dancing on the surface of the river. It’s time. I fumble about for the box of pills but I can’t locate them. Everything is a blur. I try to get to my feet but I lose my balance and fall on to my back. And then the most extraordinary thing happens: I feel myself rising out of my body.

I’m airborne now and the sky above me is no longer golden but black, deep and heavy and utterly impenetrable. I feel it wrap around me, tighter and tighter. I’m completely detached from my body and for a moment I feel euphoric, like a great weight has been lifted from me. All the pain, all the sadness has been removed as I hang suspended in the air like a feather caught in the breeze. Then I look down and see the riverbank. There’s a car, my red Nissan. It’s starting to roll. I see a figure running towards it. The feeling of euphoria is replaced with one of panic and horror. I scream and yell at her, then I realize the figure is me. I’m trying to stop it, but the car gains speed. Then I hear a voice, a woman’s voice. It is muffled and distant, like it’s coming through a wire. I follow the direction of the voice and see a flash of red in the trees. Then the person looks up and we lock eyes.

I’m falling. Down, down towards the ground. As I do I hear the voice again, loaded with venom, calling my name.

I get to my feet, my head spinning. A huge wave of nausea comes over me and I throw up on the grass. The vodka and pills come out in a disgusting chalky bile which burns my throat.

My body trembles as I pick up my bag and stagger away from the riverbank.

Penguin Walking Logo

Part Three

52

I stand outside the house, rigid with fear. I raise my hand and knock on the door three times. Behind the glass a shadow crosses the hallway and it’s all I can do to stop myself from running away. Stay strong, I tell myself as someone turns the key on the other side of the door, you’re not a scared child any more.

She is dressed for winter in a dove-grey jacket and long silver skirt.

‘Hello, Barbara,’ I say, staring her straight in the eye. ‘May I come in?’