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Back Day of the Accident
Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. What readers are saying about
  5. Epigraph
  6. Prologue
  7. Part One
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. Part Two
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. 39
  48. 40
  49. 41
  50. 42
  51. 43
  52. 44
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. 49
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. Part Three
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. 55
  65. 56
  66. 57
  67. 58
  68. Epilogue
  69. Acknowledgements
  70. THE NEXT THRILLER BY NUALA ELLWOOD
  71. THE BEGINNING

‘Shh,’ I say, putting my hand to her mouth. ‘That’s the last time you say that, okay? I killed Barbara. She came at me with a knife, then I wrestled it off her and stabbed her. You tried to stop me. That’s what happened, Julia.’

‘But –’

‘No buts,’ I say firmly. ‘This is what happened, are you clear?’

She looks at me for a moment then she nods.

‘And I’ll always be here for you,’ I say gently. ‘However long it takes, I’m going to make it up to you – everything that happened before you were born, for the letters, what you went through in those places. When all this is over we’re going to start again, you and me.’

She looks up at me then and her eyes brighten. She looks like a little girl; my little girl.

‘Everything is going to be okay,’ I tell her, putting my hand on hers. ‘I promise you.’

Julia goes to speak but before she can get her words out the yard is filled with lights and ear-piercing sirens.

‘Oh God,’ she mutters beside me. ‘Oh God.’

‘Be strong,’ I whisper, clutching her arm in mine. ‘And remember what I told you.’

She nods and we stand and watch as the police car doors open and uniformed officers run towards us. I step forward into the lights. Someone calls my name. I see a familiar face.

‘Mrs Allan?’

I watch as DS Grayling approaches me.

They bundle me into the car. I am placed in the middle with an officer on either side. The engine starts up and I strain my neck to see if Julia is still talking to the policewoman. I hope to God that she is sticking to our plan. As the car pulls away, I close my eyes and pray that she will be okay, that she will stay strong and do as I asked. When she looked up at me, the knife dangling by her side, fear and confusion etched on her face, I knew then that I would take the blame for her. It was an instinct, deep inside me, ancient and raw, the same instinct that made me cling on to that car with my fingernails and, perversely, the same instinct that made Barbara pursue her repellent plan in Ben’s name. It’s the instinct that comes with motherhood, a wild, savage, sometimes violent compulsion.

Like Barbara said, a mother will do anything to protect her child.

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Epilogue

HMP East Sutton Park
25 January 2018

I see him before he sees me. He is sitting at the far end of the room. His elbows rest on the table in front of him; his head is bowed. As I walk to the table I take in his new appearance. His hair, always neat and cut close to his head, has grown long, and his face is smattered with salt-and-pepper stubble. It’s not him, I think to myself, it’s his ghost.