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Back Day of the Accident
Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. What readers are saying about
  5. Epigraph
  6. Prologue
  7. Part One
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. Part Two
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. 39
  48. 40
  49. 41
  50. 42
  51. 43
  52. 44
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. 49
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. Part Three
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. 55
  65. 56
  66. 57
  67. 58
  68. Epilogue
  69. Acknowledgements
  70. THE NEXT THRILLER BY NUALA ELLWOOD
  71. THE BEGINNING

Dear Mummy,

What does it take to be your daughter?

Do I have to be pretty?

Do I have to be smart?

Do I have to be popular?

I’m trying so hard to be all these things, so that when you see me you won’t be disappointed. But I just can’t understand why you wouldn’t reply to my letters. You can see in them how sad and scared I’ve been and then there was all the stuff about Zoe. It’s like you have no heart, like you’ve just thrown me away and washed your hands of it all.

I’ve never had a sister before though Zoe was the closest thing. She was the only person who cared for me these last few months, the only one who listened to me, who stuck up for me when those boys were bullying me. Every night when I go to sleep I hear that song in my head, the one we listened to the night before she died, and now I know the words off by heart I can see what they meant to her. She wanted to go home, back to that kitchen where she was dancing with her mum. But she never got there, she just ended up on that railway track.

Zoe and I were more alike than I realized. We both wanted our mums to come and get us. We both just wanted to go home. Zoe wasn’t the cleverest or the prettiest but she had a kind heart and she looked after me. I wish I’d been able to do the same for her; wish I could have stopped her doing what she did.

I don’t know what you want from me Mummy but I’ll keep on trying my best to be good. I don’t know why I was sent away but I can’t let myself believe that it was because you didn’t want me any more. Freya says you just need to get better and maybe that’s what it’s all about. I hope so.

Please write back Mummy.

Please don’t give up on me.

I need you.

Your lovely daughter xxx

44

I’m still trembling when I get back to the flat an hour later. The smell inside the playhouse lingers around me. How could Barbara have left it undisturbed all these years? And the old newspaper cutting in the bottom of the drawer: why would Ben have kept that? Why would he need a reminder of that terrible day? I take my keys out of my pocket and fumble with the lock. Why won’t it work? Then I turn the handle and it yields. Did I forget to lock it?