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Chapters (38)
  1. Cover
  2. Also By Daniel Kraus
  3. Title Page
  4. Copyright
  5. Dedication
  6. Money
  7. Supermilk
  8. Bugs
  9. My Wiener
  10. Gwendolyn
  11. Midget
  12. Walgreen
  13. Dick Trickle
  14. Scrapbook
  15. Apples
  16. Dag
  17. Love
  18. My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
  19. Moms
  20. Phone Call
  21. Phone Call 2
  22. Punch
  23. Robbie
  24. Natural Light
  25. Flypaper
  26. Kyle
  27. Queen
  28. Fam
  29. Dragon
  30. Walgreen 2
  31. Dick Trickle 2
  32. Feast
  33. Shower
  34. Music
  35. The Fly
  36. My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
  37. Mrs F
  38. Ghosts

Robbie has no humor left. Not today. He chucks the delicious candy bar right off my ear, and after I brush off the floor scuzz and dig out the screw I eat it cuz its about noon and I havent had crap for food. Cant enjoy it, though. The first reason is cuz my mouth tastes scabby from when my nose bled down my throat and the second reason is Robbies mad at me and he has a right to be. What did he tell us? He told us Snickers! Snickers! It burns me up when I screw up simple stuff. I need to redeem myself with a brainstorm so I start looking around the kitchen. And guess what? A big ass brainstorm is exactly what I get!

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Theres a couple a Natural Light empties on top a the fridge from back when Robbie had the green for bottles instead of cans. Theyre half filled with Robbies old spit from back when he had the green for chaw but I dump that sludge and go smash. I bust the bottles right over the sink. Robbie starts bugging but I tell him to hush.

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I use a calendar to transfer a bunch a sharp broken glass bits to the table. Its a calendar Robbies old man had of sexy ladies and Octobers a sexy witch flying a broom and even though its ancient Im glad Robbie keeps it around cuz sexy witches make Halloween even nicer. Next thing I do is look for a object thats got serious pounds to it, like a brick, but the heaviest thing I find is a dented ass can a soup. Robbies groceries are always dented for some reason. I guess hes got bad luck choosing groceries. Anyway I start pounding the glass with the soup on top a the sexy witch. Robbie clues in on my brainstorm and takes over smashing duty cuz even though hes obese hes way stronger than a small ass kid like me.

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Now we have a pile of twinkly little grinded up shards. They go slivering into Three Musketeer real smooth and its easy smushing them into Gummy Body Parts and Gummy Bugs. Dag bought two Pez, one with a witch head and one with a pumpkin head, and no nails or pins are gonna fit in those plastic tubes. But a nugget a glass fits perfect. Nicest surprise of all is the Twirl Pops I bought for Midget. If you lick the pops first the grinded up glass sticks to it and looks like sugar and then you can just wrap it back up. Man, can I be honest with you? Im feeling special as hell. That right there was my idea. Nothings ever my idea at school.

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