Chapters (38)
- Cover
- Also By Daniel Kraus
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Money
- Supermilk
- Bugs
- My Wiener
- Gwendolyn
- Midget
- Walgreen
- Dick Trickle
- Scrapbook
- Apples
- Dag
- Love
- My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
- Moms
- Phone Call
- Phone Call 2
- Punch
- Robbie
- Natural Light
- Flypaper
- Kyle
- Queen
- Fam
- Dragon
- Walgreen 2
- Dick Trickle 2
- Feast
- Shower
- Music
- The Fly
- My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
- Mrs F
- Ghosts
Midget doesnt do squat unless her bug friends say its all right. Makes life challenging around the homefront, Ill tell you what. If I want her to take out a trash bag I got to wait for her to catch a fly first and have a whole long discussion about it. By then the trash is dripping all over! One time Midge cupped her hand by her ear to hear fly secrets and that fly zoomed right up inside. Moms about crapped her drawers. She started thumping Midges skull to knock the fly out and when that didnt work she poked a chopstick in there. Finally she dragged Midge to a doc in the box and Moms was crying all hysterical and I was like <Moms, why you tripping?> and Moms says she saw a picture in a book that showed maggots crawling out a ear cuz a fly laid eggs inside it and if Midget starts hatching maggots in her ear the city robocops are gonna take her away and there go our monthly checks.
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The doc though just flushes the fly out with oil. Yo, the craziest part? Midge was happy as hell with that bug in her brain. She was grinning like it was Christmas, nodding real interested like the fly was giving her important knowledge. But when it flushed out all oily and dead Midge worked herself up like I never saw. Moms was afraid to even touch her emotional ass. And that was back when Moms still acted mostly normal and didnt spend all day talking to the TV.
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A few months after we got Midget I was bored as hell and I told myself, Jody, its time to solve The Mystery of Midget. So I went all 007 and strapped on the goggles I found in Robbies yard and put on my high class Isotoner gloves I discovered in the weeds and took off my snowboots for super stealth and then I creeped across our crib. The carpets always nasty with tater chips but 007 never complains. I snaked my ass over to Midgets room and listened to her whisper to her bugs for like half a day and the only word I comprehended was <DAndre>. Midgets giggling <DAndre> this and <DAndre> that. So much boring ass garbage I fell asleep right there in my goggles till Midget woke my ass up cuz she was hungry. Little sister likes her butter bread with sugar.
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