When I was in Florida, I was the new Olive. I was the Olive who didn’t care about anyone’s opinion and focused on herself. I was the girl who walked in a room and pretended to ignore all the eyes on her. But in Colorado, I was thrown back by a wave of insecurity and dejection. Even when I was heavier, I was a confident girl. I knew I wasn’t the prettiest sister, and that was okay. I didn’t have the perfect figure or the nicest hair, but I was the most fun. I could make a room erupt in laughter or come up with the best ideas for groups of friends. But then the real world hit, and I realized that wasn’t enough.

I used to sit out here often, imagining the future and how perfect my life would be. I would lie back and look at the stars, thinking that one day I’d do this with my own family. It was amazing how much could change in three years.

Tiny snowflakes kissed my nose as I looked up to the night sky.

“Are you okay?” I didn’t have to turn around to know who was behind me. I heard Sarah’s boots smacking against the wooden deck as she made her way to the chair next to me.

“Yeah.” My tone was clipped and short, but what was I supposed to say? I needed more time. More ways to run through explaining why I left without even talking to her, or why coming back here was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

“Olive, please just give me five minutes. I can’t deal with things like this between us for the next two weeks.”

“I—“ I couldn’t finish. I didn’t want to snap at her, not really. I wanted to cry to her, to tell her how painful it had been for me to lose her from my life. Or for her to know that when I left, I didn’t think I’d go this long without seeing her again.

“We were so close…you were my best friend.” Her voice was wavy, and I could tell she was holding back tears.

Without sympathy, or pain in my voice I gave a monotone reply. “You were mine too.”

Sarah turned in her chair to look at me, but I couldn’t face her. “Olive there’s something I really have to tell you—“

The loud buzz of my phone ringing interrupted her. I pulled it out and saw Finn’s contact name—Hottie from 15B, which I still had to change—on the screen.

I didn’t look at Sarah as said, “It’s Finn.”

She nodded and I answered.

“Hey…babe…” I would never get used to that.

“Oh, we’re doing that now. Hey, honey.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.