BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

‘Roxy,’ I said again. ‘In light of your upcoming departure, would you like to say something to each person here? Perhaps some advice or…?’

‘Sure!’ A music executive in her late thirties, cross-addicted to alcohol and marijuana, Roxy had undergone a huge transformation in the last six weeks. My hopes for her were high.

‘Trassa.’ Roxy studied her and nodded slowly. ‘You’re getting there.’

‘Getting where?’ Trassa asked, tremulously.

‘To where you need to be.’ As the most senior member of the group, Roxy was heady with wisdom. In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed woman is queen.

Chalkie was next. ‘Everyone loves Chalkie.’ Her smile was warm. ‘You’re talking the talk, my friend, but are you walking the walk?’

She was spot-on. Chalkie was so generous with the sordid details of his drugging that it could fool you into thinking he’d embraced recovery. But his war stories were deflections to keep me from probing too deeply. Buried in Chalkie was either a bottomless sorrow or a burning rage—I didn’t know which—that accounted for his relapses. His partner, Skye, had already been into group but her tearful testimony hadn’t brought about the breakthrough I’d hoped for.

Roxy turned to Giles. ‘My man Giles, you sure coke is your drug of choice? And not sex? Just saying.

‘As for you.’ Roxy addressed Dennis. ‘Too much ha-ha-ha hee-hee-hee.’ She held up her hand. ‘Don’t. I am so over you.’

Dennis’s belly laugh was no surprise, but a sliver of pain was audible.

‘Harlie. You’re breaking my heart. Yes, you’re an alcoholic, yes, it sucks. But deal with it. Stop. Being. So angry.’

Harlie flat-eyed her.

‘Oh, honey, it’s okay,’ Roxy said. ‘My soul hurt when I got that I could never make the drink and drugs work for me again. But what I remember now is how shit I felt all the time—waking up in a stranger’s apartment, not knowing if it was morning or evening. Living that way was such hard work.’

‘Won’t you miss drinking?’ Harlie blurted out.

Roxy shrugged. ‘Been there, done that, got the DUI. It’s over, baby. My choices are I stay clean and sober or…I say goodbye to any kind of good life.’

‘If I can’t drink again, my life is over. I’ll never enjoy myself again.’

‘How much were you enjoying yourself, though?’

‘Oh my God, stop! You’re worse than Rachel!’

Roxy gave her a sympathetic smile, then turned to Ella. ‘Soooooo.’ Roxy made a steepling gesture with her hands. I really approved of what she was doing with the small amount of power she had. ‘I look at you and I think—a person who stands for everything stands for nothing.’

‘Whatnow?’ Ella’s voice shook.

‘You’re so, “Oh please like me, please love me. I’m your friend, hey, I’m your friend too.” ’