BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

But while we remained separated by seven thousand kilometres, Luke and I were suspended in a fact-free bubble where I could fantasize about us being together again and nothing could contradict me.

When we met in person, the either/or would have to stop.

‘What dates?’ I asked.

‘Monday the ninth of July, I have to fly back the eleventh.’

‘Oh.’ There was a sudden sinking feeling, which was also a relief. ‘I’ll be in Transylvania.’

‘Transyl-what?’ he said. ‘The Dracula place?’

In my head, I heard Quin’s voice. Rach, this fucking hayseed! This is the guy you think you want?

‘There aren’t actual vampires, Luke. It sounds more exciting than it is, but I can’t get out of it. Long story, Quin and I booked months ago, with our friends Taryn—’

‘Hey. It’s okay. Calm down. I’ll get you next time I’m in town.’ Then, ‘Vampires, eh? The best I could give you was the redneck Riviera.’

‘But it was beauti—’

‘Stop.’ He was gentle. ‘I was kidding. We’ll talk on her anniversary.’

88

‘The bootees she wore in the hospital.’ I held up the minuscule socks to the camera. ‘A lock of her hair.’ Taking care, I produced items from Yara’s memory box, all of them so fragile and precious. A sheaf of photographic paper turned up. ‘Every one of her scans. And remember this?’ The rabbit mobile for above her crib. ‘And these? The satin ballerina slippers you bought her, remember?’

‘Oh, God, yeah.’ His voice was choked.

‘Luke, you could have taken some of these when you left.’

He shook his head. ‘I already felt too guilty. I had my share of her ashes, it was enough.’

‘Have you done something with them?’

‘Not yet. I’m still waiting for the right place.’

‘I don’t know if you remember but the nurses took impressions of her feet. A few years ago, I got a jeweller to reproduce them. Look.’ I displayed two tiny silver versions of Yara’s beautiful little feet, sweet and weighty in the centre of my hand.

‘Oh God.’ Luke looked teary.

‘I’ll get a pair made for you! And copies of the scans. I’ll post them as soon as they’re done. It might be a while, though. The jeweller took around two months to make these.’

‘Thanks—’

‘No, Luke, thank you. It’s…I appreciate having someone to share this day with.’

‘What have you done other years?’

‘Worked in the garden. Got out the memory box. Cried.’ I half laughed. ‘You know yourself. You?’

‘Saddled up Shadow, went to the mountains. Being out there, in the vast emptiness, I guess it puts things more in perspective.’ Then, ‘What sort of person do you think she’d have been?’

‘Like you, I’d have hoped. You’re so good at being content—well, you were. Maybe you’re different now?’