BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

If I drove fast, there was an eight thirty NA meeting that I could probably make. It was oh-so-tempting to skip it and just go home and collapse on the couch…

Go to the meeting.

All right! I’m going!

People who haven’t been to a Twelve Step meeting think it’s all about addicts bemoaning their miserable drink- or drug-free existence. But it’s nothing like that. In meetings we talk about whatever’s going on in our lives, good or bad, managing our responses to rogue emotions, celebrating all that’s good and identifying old destructive habits, so that we don’t lapse.

Once I got there, I was happy. It was good to sit on a hard chair in a circle with others of my kind and check in with myself—yes, my name was Rachel; yes, I was an addict; yes, my feelings today were painful but yes, I could cope with them.

What more did I need?

13

There was no sign of Kate at home. After taking Crunchie for a speedie turn around the block, I tumbled straight into bed, and FaceTimed Quin. A quick in and out was what I was hoping for—just your basic bedtime courtesy call. This wasn’t the right time for a deep and meaningful.

‘How was the funeral?’ he asked. ‘Did you meet your ex?’

‘No. But it was okay. We can talk about it on Sunday. Like, if we need to. But really, it’s all good.’

We said our goodbyes—then I was hit with a wave of gratitude that, two years ago, I’d listened to Claire’s urgings and given him a second chance.

‘Ask me anything,’ he’d said. ‘And I’ll answer you honestly.’

‘Why did you cheat on your wife? Because you’re Mr Upgrade?’

‘Nah, I wasn’t like that with Shiv. But she was messing around, you know, flirting with a man she worked with. I was…hurt. Hurt, scared, humiliated…so I decided to get back at her. Which is pathetic, you don’t have to tell me. I hoped she’d see what she was missing but thing was, she’d had enough of me and I was too stupid to realize.’

‘That’s a lot of drama, Quin.’

‘Shiv is a…she’s a strong personality. She and I, we’re quite similar. But all of that drama was temporary. And five years ago. These days we care about each other. But not the way we used to.’ He paused. ‘You, though, I really like.’

‘Why?’

‘Why does anyone like anyone?’

‘I get the feeling the only reason you want me is because you think you can’t have me.’