BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

Our eyes locked. Quin could see what I wanted. ‘Right.’ His voice was flat. ‘You’d sleep with him?’

I took a breath. The answer was yes but saying so felt too cruel.

‘Your problem is you want to time travel,’ he said. ‘You think if you sleep with him, you can pretend you didn’t fuck everything up in the past. But it won’t change anything. Except fuck up the present.’

There was nothing I could say. He was probably right. And it still wasn’t enough to quench the want in me.

‘Is this because of Monday?’ he asked. ‘To get back at me because I haven’t wanted to see you?’

I shook my head.

‘Okay.’ He sounded as if he’d reached a decision. ‘Go to the party, sort out whatever you need to…’ In frustration, he flung up his hands. ‘…sort out.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Rachel, for God’s sake!’ His eyes were full of pain. ‘Don’t make this harder for me—’

‘…And if something happened? If I…?’

‘I don’t know.’ He looked at me. ‘I’ve no clue. But right now I don’t want to be around you. Can you please leave?’

I couldn’t blame him but I felt afraid and so terribly ashamed.

*

‘Claire, I’m going to the party. Can you put me at the same table as Luke?’

‘Is Quin coming?’

‘No.’

‘I have questions.’

‘And I don’t have answers.’

‘Got it. But be careful.’

Me be careful? She was a fine one to talk.

78

‘What’s arugula?’ Mum sounded panicked.

‘Rocket.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Fancy lettuce.’

‘For the love of God! We’re in the supermarket trying to get the stuff on Anna’s list—’

‘And I’ve just arrived at the airport to pick them up—’

‘We should never have let her go to New York. There was a time she was happy to live on cornflakes. But now she has notions and your father and I—’

‘Bye.’

Because Anna and Angelo always flew business class, their plane had barely landed when the Arrivals double doors swished open and out they strolled, giving off low-key, big-city glamour, in dark glasses, Loro Piana sweats and sleek Thom Browne carry-ons.

‘There she is,’ I heard Angelo say.

‘Rachel!’ Anna flung herself at me, and I wrapped my arms around her narrow ribs and soft, luxe clothing. ‘Thank you for coming.’

I had a wild urge to say, Thank you for existing, but I managed to keep it together. Of my four sisters, Anna was the sweetest. I’d leant on her a lot in the months after Luke had gone. I loved her and seeing her now, with all that had been going on with Luke, made me want to cry.

Angelo whipped off his shades and kissed me on the forehead—which was fully on-brand for his sexy guru vibe.