BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

‘It’s not your responsibility any more.’ Technically it had never been, but back in the days when he’d loved me, my concerns had been his.

‘Shows how deep the programming goes,’ he muttered.

As we said goodbye at my car, I blurted, ‘Luke, the memories aren’t all sad. Remember us painting her nursery? We were so happy then. That was real.’

He blinked and put a hand on the crown of his head. ‘God. Just got a…déjà vu or something.’

‘I know what came after was horrific, but we need to remember the good parts as well as the rest.’

He nodded. ‘And I’m glad you’re okay now. Really glad.’ Startling me, he took my chilled hand between both of his and pressed his lips into my palm. His eyes met mine—then he stuttered, ‘Sorry.’ Letting my hand drop like a stone, he said, ‘More déjà vu. I don’t know what I was…Sorry. Thank you for today.’ He turned towards his bike, got on and roared away.

Mystified, I watched him disappear, the heat of his mouth still warming my skin. What had that been about? Maybe that was how they said goodbye in Denver? Like, obviously, though, it wasn’t.

It was all so confusing. Yesterday he’d seemed willing to accept blame but today he’d been angry. Right up until he’d done the Denver Goodbye.

Now I was exhausted. Now I was ready to fall asleep on the spot.

The moment I got home, I slid gratefully into bed and slept until 5 p.m.—and woke up to discover that an Emergency Committee Meeting had been called in response to Mum’s threats to invite Luke to the party.

55

Immediately I rang Claire. ‘She can’t do it.’ I was adamant. ‘Absolutely not.’

‘I know, babes.’

‘The thought of Luke showing up at a Walsh family party is making me feel sick. Having to stand around eating cheese-on-a-stick in a function room in a three-star hotel while sixteen of Mum’s bitchiest sisters say, “No wonder he ran away.” I can’t!’

‘Got your back, babes.’

But red-faced and bullish, Mum held the line. ‘Yesterday you went to Brian Costello’s birthday party! What’s the difference?’

‘Luke wanted me to go. I don’t want him at your do.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because! Could you imagine. Auntie Imelda taking note of all the ways Kallie is better than me! It would be horrendous.’

‘If that fucker comes,’ Helen said, ‘I’m throwing a glass of red wine all over his white T-shirt.’

You see, this is what people didn’t appreciate about Helen—she had many positives, including dogged loyalty.

‘And how do I know he’ll be wearing a white T-shirt?’ Helen continued. ‘Because he’s a Basic who got stuck in his look three centuries ago.’

Another of Helen’s attributes was her tendency to speak unpalatable truths.