BooksBarbecue
Back Again, Rachel
Chapters (98)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. 65
  69. 66
  70. 67
  71. 68
  72. 69
  73. 70
  74. 71
  75. 72
  76. 73
  77. 74
  78. 75
  79. 76
  80. 77
  81. 78
  82. 79
  83. 80
  84. 81
  85. 82
  86. 83
  87. 84
  88. 85
  89. 86
  90. 87
  91. 88
  92. 89
  93. 90
  94. 91
  95. 92
  96. 93
  97. 94
  98. Acknowledgements

‘But I was in a different place then. When we met, it was hard to trust you. You were quite open about, you know, your tendency to be a player. If I’d met you, say, ten years ago, I’d have steered so clear.’ Suddenly I understood something. ‘Even now, I know you care about me but…’

‘What?’

I had to tell him. ‘Say, on one of your work trips, if you met someone and liked her, I don’t think you’d agonize too much about me before sleeping with her. And I think you’d ’fess up—not to hurt me, but because…’ I swallowed hard because it was a horrible thought. ‘ “We’re all adults here.” ’

‘You’re wrong.’ To my surprise, Quin sounded angry. ‘How do you know I haven’t met people—and walked away from a situation?’

‘Have you?’

‘Yeah. Couple of times.’ His eyes bright, he glared. ‘Rachel, you’ve hurt me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ This—his upset—was unexpected.

‘I make it my business to not hurt you. But this…thing of me being a shagger, it’s handy. You can commit some of yourself to me, but it means you don’t have to go the whole way. You’re saying you’re with me because we don’t have the potential to be serious. That’s pretty damning, Rachel.’

‘I’m sorry.’ I meant it. ‘I had it wrong. You’re different now. I just need…to let my feelings catch up with the facts.’

Since then, my attachment to Quin had become steadier and deeper.

However, he wasn’t available tonight, so I went to a meeting, my regular Monday night anchor group, and it helped. When I got home, though, I was shattered and I fell in the door, rummaging in the kitchen for something easy for my dinner.

Not for the first time, I wished my address existed on a Deliveroo map.

Kate was out, I’d no idea where. She and I didn’t keep tabs on each other—I wasn’t her parent and didn’t want to act like one—but the news about Devin had changed that. Was she with him now? What if—as Helen had suggested—this became serious and they decided to get married? I’d have to see Luke at the wedding. If only I hadn’t brought her to the funeral…

A box of Raisin Bran turned up in the cupboard—but there was no milk in the fridge. No problem! I curled on the couch, eating handfuls of it straight out of the box and opened up my iPad, clicking here and there, looking for lovely feels.